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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Christmas Cards (11/06/08)

TITLE: The Dixons Get Busted
By Dianne Janak


The Dixon family moved suddenly last year in the dark of night. I wonder if this is why:

Their son , Tommy, was asked by his dad to stuff envelopes for the yearly Christmas letters to all family and friends and probably enemies knowing Bob Dixon, who was delusional enough to believe everyone adored him.

Tommy had an idea of his own. He decided to add his own letter to the envelopes, bless his sweet heart.
I opened his letter first , and still am reeling in shock , amusement, and sorrow for this poor family.

“To everbody who reads this… plese keep my secert.. God says if we pray in secert, he heres us.

I don’t know what dad wrote ‘cause I was tawt to not read male, but we need prayer. My church leader tawt us to ask and we’ll get it. So if you wanna give me somethin this year, lissen up.

We need some prayin for.. Dad got some kind of new job at church cause he’s all elderly now, and my mom and him yell more than usual. Mom says he’s too busy all reddy and she’s fed up to here and she points to the sky.

He tells her to hush cause she’s just a woman, and he’s her head. I don’t unnerstand how dad can be a man and a head too, but oh well.

I hear her cryin when she thinks I don’t. Dad wants her thin but its not workin. I see her eat candy in secert.

Jimbo got cawt smokin dope a few months ago and has to pick up trash on Dillon Road every Saturday He beats on me I guess cause he’s all mad I ratted him out and all.

I hate music lessons but dad makes me practice and I’d rather be playin ball. I’d rather eat carots than practice and carots make me barf.

All and all I wanna come live with any of you. Even the Stevens who dad says don’t take baths. I don’t even care. If you want a good kid, well mostly, I’m yours that is IF I can play ball…
Mary Christmas and New year…. Tommy
Reminder this is a secert”

The following was written by Dad, who had no clue what preceded it … poor guy:

“What a wonderful year we have had! If you haven’t heard already, I was elected elder at our church of 5000, quite an honor that has indeed humbled me greatly. It will be an interesting year ahead with many hours spent at church working diligently for the Lord with much time sacrifice, but I know great reward.

Our son Jimbo got into UT after graduating in the top third of his class, and is aspiring to be a doctor eventually, so please keep him in your prayers. We are so proud to have raised a nice Christian boy who will become a doctor who prays for his patients. We are so blessed he was such an easy teenager.

Our youngest son Tommy is making good grades this year, and excels at spelling ( a chip off the old block huh?) . He loves keyboard, and I already imagine him as a famous Christian songwriter. As all of you know, back in the day, my voice was quite the talk of the church. I’m just so blessed that I can live my dream through him.

My dear wife, Grace, is still leading women’s studies at the church, doing much volunteer work at Crises Pregnancy Center and a great job losing lots of weight at Weight Watchers! She says “hi!”

Just imagine how beautiful she will be when she reaches her goal weight in a year or two. I’m looking forward to that day, believe me.

Well, Merry Christmas and good cheer to all! God is so good."

The Dixon family

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This article has been read 658 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Anita van der Elst11/13/08
Out of the mouth of babes comes the truth. Loved this. Made me laugh out loud.
Chrissi Dunn11/14/08
A very good idea - That first letter was so telling! Well done.
Mary Alice Bowles11/14/08
Finally, I get to laugh instead of cry. Thank you~
Good Job....
Ed VanDeMark11/15/08
I don't get time to read a lot of the stories. Your title was the most interesting one so I chose it and your story didn't let me down. Good job. Incidentally I write a Christmas Letter, fortunately nobody named Tommy lives here.
Angela M. Baker-Bridge11/15/08
This cracked me up, and so did the comment before mine :) Well done - this is a winner.
Gregory Kane11/18/08
An entertaining satire on round robin Christmas letters.
I thought a little of the humour somewhat forced, eg I found it unlikely Dad would comment on Tommy's spelling in such a way. But the contrast between his aspirations for his boys and their true behaviour was quite drole
Diana Dart 11/18/08
Too, too funny. Loved the letter from Dad most of all, just made me howl! Very good entry, hope it does well.
Celeste Ammirata11/18/08
This is is great. You had me smiling and laughing out loud. Great job!
Glynis Becker11/19/08
The contrast between what the little boy sees in his family and what his father sees is very well done. Enjoyable.
Leah Nichols 11/20/08
Wow....very telling! I wouldn't want to be in that dad's shoes! :)
Randy Lucas11/20/08
This is for everyone who's ever felt a bit intimidated by the annual Christmas letter detailing the idealic past year in the lives of the "perfect" family. This was funny and insightful. A good read.
David Butler12/07/08
Oh! The irony! The irony! Shows the difference between religiosity and reality - a lesson we all have to learn from time to time. Loved it! Really like your sense of humour, Dianne.