The Official Writing Challenge
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Good writing but it is really too sad.
If I were you, I would leave off the last sentence, "And then she died".
I would have her float toward heaven to spend Christmas with the King of Kings.
11/08/08
Oh my. That was rather an abrupt ending. Very good writing. I really got to like Marie and felt compassion for her. Why'd you make her die? Oh my:(
11/10/08
It was such a good story, I liked your MC, but I have to agree, it was a little abrupt to end like that. I can see her being ready to "go home" but maybe a gnetler way to say it would have worked better.
I enjoyed so many of your descriptions and word pictures, but had a difficult time knowing what to feel for the woman without knowing more. I was left with a haunting feeling.
I like this too, but have the same feelings as the others... it left me feeling a bit empty. It is very well written and you have great descriptions, while reading though, I felt it would have fit better in the Christmas Baking/Cooking topic - just IMO, though.
11/10/08
It truly is a sad tale. I enjoyed here spry act of giving and the vivid descriptions you used. Ending it with "And then she died," seemed a little blunt. Having her breathing slow to silence may have been more effective. Just some thoughts. Good reminder however, of the frailty of life and those who are alone during the holidays.
This story is well written. I love how she baked the cookies and gave most of them away. I didn't understand where Mark and Stacey are...in heaven, or just away? The ending was sad. Did she die because her last deed (baking and giving away cookies) was done? All in all, I enjoyed this. Nicely done!
11/10/08
I could feel the chill in her apartment with your vivid descriptions. Great work!
11/11/08
This kind of leaves me with a feeling of emptiness as the reader....so few details as to her life and why it ends so sadly. Unique approach....very descriptive language.
11/11/08
Amazingly descriptive and visual piece (as usual!), Sara. That ending just came SO suddenly.
11/11/08
You took us there - and left us wanting a sequel or two - sometimes 750 just isn't enough words, is it? I think in the 2nd paragraph you mean to say bathrobe (fabric belt of her ragged bathroom). Would like other sotries from her kids POV. And one about her going to be with the Lord. Good thing to leave us wanting more!
11/12/08
I love the concept of this story. I agree with another comment that this story is a victim of the 750 word cap. Some stories cannot be fully expressed within that limitation. I hope you do something with this story as a regular article. Filling in the blanks of what brought her to this end will draw the reader so much deeper. Good job.
11/12/08
Ok.. I am going to be different here. I liked the last sentence. I felt it with you.... to me..as I read.. that last sentence put just the right strength at the end.I don't know.. it read perfect to me. Its supposed to leave you feeling the unsettledness I think.

(BTW.. its duct tape actually)
Very well written and descriptive. Shirley already caught the "duct tape" - but this is a great story.
11/24/08
I also enjoyed this wonderful story of loneliness and abandonment. The paragraphs crawled by ever so methodically, ever so slowly, just like the old woman. And the ending - well maybe a different turn of phrase might have been more poetic - but I liked the suddeness of it all. Well done.