The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
10/30/08
This is an awesome story. This is a great idea to do as a family. Wonderful lessons learned. Very good entry.
11/01/08
I loved the last couple of parargraphs - about loving others by loving Jesus and not just at Christmas time. The relationship between mother and daughter was beautifully described.
11/01/08
This is a sweet story and is well-written.

Since you asked for red ink: I thought the story was a bit predictable. I also thought the third section was not needed. Maybe you could expand the part about them helping rather than just listing what they did.
11/02/08
Nice story! I think it just had too many scenes for 750 words....maybe narrow down to one scene - two at the most. That gives you more room to expand the story rather than rushing through. Great job, though - you write very well!
Great concept, though I was disappointed it only included the mom and daughter. The husband said he'd help but we're never told how...it might be better not to even bring any other family members into the story unless their contributions are included. Thank you for writing a positive story about a 12-year old that's very mature and sensitive to the things of God.
11/02/08
I love the idea of this, and the message. I would love to see this expanded--felt like we were missing some of the "good stuff." The beginning, especially, is quite strong.
So much to cover in so little time. I enjoyed this story very much.
I thought this was a wonderful snapshot of a mother and daughter who learned "love lessons" for Jesus together. It put a lump in my throat when the daughter gave her "gift" to her mom in the service. The dialogue was just right.
11/05/08
A great love story - what a wonderful insight for the idea coming from the 12 y/o and what followed after. You wrote something that all of us would love for a gift. More family time!
11/06/08
Great characterization through the use of dialogue, and the daughter's heart warmed my own. Beautiful.
11/06/08
Congratulations on your EC. A lovely positive portrait of a teenager using her energy to bless others in an age when the images are so often negative. But a reminder to us all that kids don't turn out like that by chance! What a hero of a Mum to expend her energy in that way when so many other more 'urgent' tasks would have been clamouring for her attention!
Congratulations on your well deserved EC!