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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Countdown to Christmas/Advent (10/23/08)

TITLE: Diary of a Mad Green-Clad Man
By Joshua Janoski


December 18th

A week before Christmas. I hate this time of year! The factory gets all riled up. Everyone is working their fannies off to meet production goals. This fuss could have been prevented had everyone worked harder in January instead of standing around talking about the latest episode of American Idol. I finished my rocking horses, and I’m ready to use my vacation time to relax. I can’t wait!

December 19th

Got me a cup of hot cider and the latest edition of the North Pole News. There’s an article in the lifestyles section discussing how women nowadays are more attracted to short guys. I’ll check that out after seeing how my stocks are doing...

December 20th

This stinks. My cell phone kept ringing yesterday. The Big Man threatened to fire me if I didn’t get back into work. He said I needed to help the other production lines get their work finished. I told him I am entitled to my vacation days, but he quickly reminded me about the job shortage in this part of the world. I have no choice…Looks like I am making baby dolls named Betsy today…*Sigh*

December 21st

This isn’t fair. I got my work completed early! Why do I have to help these schmucks who decided to slack off all year long? Like Larry over in trinkets. Is it really that hard to assemble 1,000,000, plastic yo-yos in a year? I wonder if anyone even asks for this kind of stuff anymore. Since when did kids want toy soldiers? Didn’t that stuff go out in the 50’s? We don’t assemble any iPods or DVD players here, and I KNOW those have to be on a lot of people’s lists. It’s a big conspiracy…

December 22nd

I took this job because it was better than working for the circus. The pay was the same, but this job offered me benefits such as a 401k, health insurance, and a PAID VACATION! Too bad I don't get to use my vacation time when I want to; my 401k has plummeted because of the poor economy, and my health insurance only supports an HMO doctor that told me, and I quote, “You drank too much coffee growing up.” And don’t even get me started on the company uniforms we have to wear with their generic green colors and pointy shoes with bells that jingle jangle everywhere you go. So annoying! Oh well. Time to go assemble trains that Gertrude didn’t finish…

December 23rd

The boss called me into his office today. Boy, what a fine piece of work he is! He sits around eating cookies and drinking milk all day. Doesn’t he realize that those cookies are packed full of cholesterol? He’s already taking Lipitor because his pipes are getting clogged. He found out that I was complaining about our Christmas bonus getting cut this year. Instead of getting a cash bonus, we all got copies of “Neil Diamond’s Greatest Christmas Hits” on CD. I got some bum excuse about excess corporate spending and how it’s for the good of the company. Whatever! The fact is, Chubby is getting greedier every year. I’m glad I am frugal with my money. There are a dozen Hummers outside but I choose to drive a go-kart. It’s kind of a stereotypical ride for a guy like me, but it’s a hybrid and gets 40 miles to the gallon. However, getting fuel transported up here is a pain, and paying $35.00 a gallon for gas doesn’t help matters. Maybe I’ll put some snow tires on my Schwinn and pedal it to work…

December 24th

It’s crunch time. Have to fill up the bags, gas up the sleigh (by feeding the reindeers Mexican food), and sweep up the mess on the factory floor after the boss takes off. All of this hard work culminates with only a pat on the head and being told that I’m “Santa’s Little Helper.” Is that a compliment or an insult? Maybe I can go rest up for a few days now…

December 25th

Oh no! The slug got stuck inside a chimney again! This happens every year, and of course, I get commissioned to go pull him out. After I’m done prying him out with the jaws of life, I’m going to present him with a Weight Watchers gift membership, and then I’m going to go apply in Whoville. I hear there is a guy there who shares my sentiments about this absurd holiday…

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This article has been read 736 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Laury Hubrich 10/30/08
Very funny stuff. Oh boy! :)
Seema Bagai 10/30/08
I'm laughing out loud. An entertaining story!
Leah Nichols 10/31/08
LOL this is hilarious! Classic humor - I love it!
Holly Westefeld10/31/08
Very funny, and I loved the ending!
Lyn Churchyard10/31/08
Oh man, I have a pain in my side from laughing so much. I love the voice of your MC, brilliant; simply brilliant.

The Countdown to Christmas is captured beautifully in this entry, and the title is perfect. Wonderful from beginning to end.
Carole Robishaw 11/01/08
What can I add, this really was funny. I hope he gets hi vacation!! loved eh voice of the MC.
Betty Castleberry11/01/08
Love this diary! Great imagination and a really fun read. Thanks.
Gregory Kane11/01/08
Oh I do like off-beat entries. This is hysterical. Maybe a little bit negative though? I'm sure he'll get on well with the Grinch
Gerald Shuler 11/01/08
Masterful piece of writing. All I can say is HA HA HA.
Edmond Ng 11/02/08
Very interesting way of counting down to Christmas! I know what it means to be interrupted from vacation. As always, you've done a good job at lightening our stress level during this season of festivities. (",)
Karlene Jacobsen11/02/08
Hilarious! I loved it!
Sharon Kane11/03/08
You obviously had a lot of fun writing this one and it is great fun to read. A very unusual angle on the topic.
Verna Cole Mitchell 11/03/08
Your creative humor is a delight to read. I loved the many ways you referenced the "big guy."
Celeste Ammirata11/03/08
This is funny, Josh. You really captured this poor guy's stress level. Great job, as usual!
Diana Dart 11/03/08
I echo the above sentiments and say WONDERFUL! One question though, where DO they assemble the I-Pods?
Joanne Sher 11/03/08
ooooh - what FUN! Some of your gags are absolutely, positively FIRST RATE. I could NEVER write like this - wish I could! (LOL one benefit, I think, to being annoyingly pessimistic hehe)

I can see why you like this one so much. I know I do!
Catrina Bradley 11/03/08
Too much fun! I love "you drank too much coffee". Lots of other great lines, too. I could imagine you grinning as you wrote. Thanks for the smile! :)
Marlene Austin11/04/08
Josh, you are a master of humor. :) What plays on words - "gassed up the sleigh" with Mexican food. lol You are a joy to read. Thank you. :)
Beckie Stewart11/05/08
creative and cute idea
Dee Yoder 11/05/08
What a hoot! Love the way he decides to go work for the Grinch...but we already know how THAT story ends, too! What's a grumpy guy to do? All the Christmas pessimists have change-of-heart turnarounds (think: Scrooge-LOL.) This is classic Josh and it is fun, fun, fun. (:
LauraLee Shaw11/06/08
Clever, creative, off-beat, witty. Absolutely love this. Well done!
Sherry Castelluccio 11/06/08
Oh my gosh, this was hysterical. What a fun read, lol. Congrats on placing second. This was well deserved. Movin on up, woo hoo!
Celeste Ammirata11/06/08
Congratulations Josh! A well deserved win!
Amanda Ewing11/06/08
hahahaha. i LOVED IT!!!!! (:

i didn't know you were talking under the life of an elf until i got to the uniform.

very cute.

Glynis Becker11/06/08
Fantastic!! So clever and very funny. Great job, Josh and congratulations on a well-deserved win!
Angela M. Baker-Bridge11/06/08
Congratulations on a very creative, enjoyable, and enlightening entry. It's always good to see behind the scenes out-takes :) Well deserved win.
Beth LaBuff 11/17/08
I LOVE your title! I had to laugh at the Christmas bonus "Neil Diamond's Greatest Christmas Hits" and then "feeding the reindeer Mexican food" … so so funny. Super congrats on your ribbon, Josh!