The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
Very nice,touchng piece. It's sad, but very believable and true. I'm glad you didn't totally resolve the story (Though I do like happy endings!). You did a nice job on this story.
09/21/08
Nice job on this. You drew me right in to this sad, but realistic and well-written piece.
09/21/08
Very nice job. I like how you didn't resolve it at the end, too. That's just not real life. I love how you develop your characters so well in very few words. Good job!
09/21/08
Very good, Dee! I like that she didn't abandon him or judge him...and your ending sentence was perfect. Very well done!
09/21/08
Ah..such emotions! Too many kids are playing this game.
09/21/08
Very sad. Took awhile to get rolling as you developed the characters. I thought this paragraph deftly captured Steve's hopeless feelings, without him saying a word. "He searched out the whiskey and drank a full swallow. This time, his eyes were filled with tears when he pushed the bottle back under the seat. He shook his head, wiped his face, and re-started the car."
09/21/08
This is incredible. I wonder what happened to him...
You've a gift with dialogue, as well as description. This story is a slice of real life. Well done.
09/22/08
Sad story which unfortunately mimicks reality for some. I enjoyed the flirtatious interplay at the beginning. Thanks.
09/23/08
Excellent writing. Very poignant piece....and true to reality. Great job!
09/24/08
I loved the realism of this...no easy fixes, only the all seeing God. Well done!
The dialogue in this piece was superb. I felt like I was sitting in the Torino with them listening and seeing everything. The ending left me with mixed emotions, but it was a nice effect. I sure hope that Steve did say yes to God.
10/02/08
I liked the way you presented a sad, moving piece, and left a realistic ending on it, rather than a fairy tale ending. Yet, as you pointed out, God knows the result, and the guy's life is not over yet...
Dee,

Very well written...a moving piece that I can relate to...all
too well I'm afraid.
God Bless You,
Leonard