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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Snap (09/04/08)

TITLE: Going Up?
By Allison Egley
09/10/08


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*DING!*

Man 1: Going up?

Man 2: Yep.

Man 1: What floor?

Man 2: Top floor, please.

Man 1 pushes the button. The two men stand in silence for a bit.

Man 1: So... Great weather we've been having, huh?

Man 2: Yep.

Man 1: I'm so glad it's almost... Woah! What was that?

Man 2: I think the elevator stopped.

Man 1: Boy. You're a smart one.

*SNAP!*

Man 1: I don't think I like that sound. Especially when I'm in an elevator.

Man 2: Oh, don't worry. It's probably just one of the cables.

Man 1: Just one of the cables? JUST?

Man 2: Relax. There are usually at least four cables per elevator, and each one is designed to carry the elevator's weight on it's own.

Man 1: Well, that's good to know. Hey, there's the emergency phone.

*SNAP!* The lights dim.

Man 1: Ok. So we're down to two cables now. I sure hope you know what you're talking about. (picking up the phone)Great. Just great. It's dead. I know! Maybe the buzzer alarm still works! (pushes button) *RING!* Oh, hallelujah, praise the Lord. It works.

Man 2: Yes, but you're forgetting one thing.

Man 1: Oh?

Man 2: We're in a college dorm.

Man 1: So?

Man 2: College students love to buzz the alarm just for kicks. No one pays attention to it.

*SNAP!*

Man 1: Ok, now I really hope what you said is true.

Man 2: Don't worry. It is.

Man 1: And how would you know?

Man 2: I'm the elevator repairman.

Man 1: You're the... GREAT! You can get us out of here!

Man 2: Not really.

Man 1: What do you mean? Don't you have the Jaws of Life or something in that box of yours?

Man 2: Do you really think they'd trust an elevator repairman with a pneumatic tool that has the power to crush bones and bend steel like putty? Even if I could get the inside doors open, we'd need someone to open the outside doors. If we're directly between floors, they'll have to move it somehow. Don't worry. We should be perfectly safe with just one cable. Don't panic.

Man 1: Yeah, but what's the most common reason for them to fail?

Man 2: Stress. Old age.

Man 1: Ok, so if three out of four have broken in the past five minutes, don't you think the fourth cable is just as old and stressed?

Man 2: Hmmm.... Good point. I think we can panic now.

Man 1 and 2: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (banging on the door) HELP! GET US OUT OF HERE!

Girl 1 (muffled voice): Hello? Is someone in there?

Man 1: No! You're hearing voices in your head yelling at the top of their lungs for help.

Girl 1: Oh, ok.

Man 2 (rolling eyes): YES there's someone in here. Now go call for help. The phone in here is broken.

Girl 1: Hang tight.

Man 1 (to Man 2): Nice choice of words. Here we are, dangling by a thread in the utter darkness, and she tells us to hang tight. Well, might as well make the most of the time.(begins to sing horribly off key.) Kum ba ya, My Lord, Kum ba ya. Kum ba ya...

Man 2 (interrupting): My ears. They're bleeding. That last cable it going to snap to put itself out of its misery.

Man 1: Sorry. I'll stop now.

*SNAP*

Man 1 and 2 (clinging to each other): MOMMY!

after a few seconds

Man 1: Wait a second... We're alive!

Man 2: And we aren't plummeting in utter darkness to our death! This elevator must have an extra backup cable.

Man 3 (muffled voice): Are you okay down there?

Man 1: I think so. Just get us out of here. Please.

Man 3: We're working on it. *CREAK* Ok, we've got the outer doors open. We see you. You're just a bit below the floor. We can get the door open, and pull you out.

*GROAN* Light pours in from above, as the two men shield their eyes. The men climb out with the help of Man 3.

Man 1: Whew! That's it. I'm never going near another elevator in my life.

Man 2 (pulling out his tools and waving a wrench in his direction): Yeah. Just be glad you have that option. Me? I've got to get this thing running again. Let's hope we never meet again.


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This article has been read 728 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Leah Nichols 09/12/08
LOL! Great job - totally pulled me into the story....some tense moments there!
Lynda Schultz 09/13/08
The last line didn't quite jive, but the rest was super in my books. Well done.
Joanne Sher 09/13/08
Love the banter - great characterization with just the dialog (not easy to do - I know!). I wasn't crazy about the last line, but the rest was great.
Joy Faire Stewart09/14/08
Very good suspense. It had me on the edge of my seat waiting for the next bit of dialogue.
Jan Ackerson 09/14/08
Oh my, I laughed and laughed about the "my ears are bleeding" line after hearing Kum By Yah. I SO agree--that song should be banned permanently from the earth.

Funny, funny piece. Maybe a bit of a fizzle toward the end, but a really cute skit--I enjoyed it a lot.
Yvonne Blake 09/14/08
Shiver... I don't like elevators, and now I hope I never hear one SNAP!
Scott Sheets09/15/08
I enjoyed the suspense, but I have to agree with some of the others regarding the last line. I was looking for something more. Otherwise it was a nice skit.
Kristen Hester09/16/08
Very cute. This was a fun, easy read. I really enjoyed it and could picture the whole thing.
Sharlyn Guthrie09/17/08
I could see this all playing out. It works well as a skit. Nice job.
Karlene Jacobsen 09/21/08
This was awesome! It was like a movie playing in my head as I read.