The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
09/12/08
Hopefully this marriage will be saved. Good writing and descriptions. Nicely done.
09/14/08
You have some great descriptive phrases in here. Like the one about sounding like an adolescent trying to control the pitch of his voice.

It did seem a little hard to follow timeline-wise.

I *love* the ending!!!
This is really good, and well written. You had me wondering about the new man. Great twist.
09/14/08
Great characterization of your narrator!

The timeline confuses me a bit, too...if they're still married, and Brittany has become a Christian, it seems to me that she shouldn't be pursuing this relationship with the man at church...but maybe I've got it wrong.

I like the richness of meaning in the title, and the tie-in to the topic.

09/14/08
WOW! This was awesome. You totally had me convinced that she met a man, not the God Man...a great twist that blindsided me. Well done!
Note from author: For those who are confused about the new man in her life, it's JESUS.
09/14/08
Good descriptions and emotions. Well written.
09/14/08
Wow! Very well-written illustration of the healing power of God. This woman's pain was healed by Jesus, the Great Physician, and her witness to her estranged/physician husband was powerful. Perhaps, through her testimony regarding the Balm of Gilead, her husband may too find healing for his pain.
09/15/08
You drew me into the man's emotional turmoil and brought it to a wonderful conclusion. Not perfectly wrapped up, but providing hope. Nice Job!
09/15/08
The timeline bounced around, but you did have a lot to cover in 750 words! Well done; excellent writing.
Your last line is a zinger. Excellent.
09/15/08
The story is such a heart-breaker (that has played out countless times). I love your ending... such a perfect prescription for that marriage. Excellent story!!!
Nice job! I totally got that the man she met was Jesus. I was a little confused at times. At the beginning I thought he was already at home, then he was pulling his car into the garage??

Very good, descriptive writing.

One minor thing that I noticed, probably because of my husband's job: I don't know any doctors whose wives are waitresses. I was assuming she was a waitress, but perhaps she's something else, which would make sense. This just confused me a bit.

Again, SUPER!
I liked the line about placing the consequences in a box to be dissected later. That was a good one!
I agree the time line was a little confusing with him pulling into the garage after being home.
Your ending was a real surprise and at first I thought it was an earthly man until the very end! Good job!
09/17/08
She met Jesus and he learned that the cat's name is Tiger. There is definately hope for this family.

Great story. I wasn't lost in the time line at all. Little clues like finishing the last of her diet meals told the time line beautifully.
Maybe you could place him at the restaurant at the beginning then show him thinking, remembering his pain over losing his wife. This might help the timeline remain under control.

I like the was you held the tension between husband and wife when she told him about the "other man". If anything, it showed them both their marriage was worth saving. (my opinion of course)

Great story!
This was well-written. Great take on topic.
09/17/08
I enjoyed this! The first part threw me off a little also, but not enough to keep me from continuing! The end was great! I thought she meant an earthly man until that last part. Great way to keep us suspended until the last second!
Great take on the topic and a well written story. Love the ending.
Great story. Even though I was a bit confused by the time line too, I kept on reading as you really drew me in. So, was I the only who thought the man would be Jesus? I caught it with this line: “It’s a very serious relationship. He loves me, listens to what I have to say, and promises to always be faithful.”
I LOVED your ending! It leaves me wondering if the two stayed together, but regardless, the truth was told. Jesus is the only one who can heal broken hearts and relationships. The MCs dialogue was powerful, and I felt every bit of emotion that he was feeling as I read this.

I hope this one places high, because it is one of my favorites this week.
09/23/08
I thought this was really good and I followed the time line. It was a bit scrunched but you did have a word limit. I also thought right away that she had met Jesus. Great writing!