The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
09/04/08
Wow, chilling story and compelling writing. A sad story that could have come from the front page of today's newpaper.
Nice job tackeling a tough issue. Good topic for truth or dare.
Heartbreaking story; you've told it well.
Excellent writing on this difficult subject, but one that needs to be shared.
09/08/08
Wonderful writing...very intense emotion. Fabulous take on the topic.
Powerful setting, intense message and deep passion - all expressed masterfully in your writing. :)
Sad to think these things really do happen. Your MC is dedicated, and I do think something will come of his mission. Nicely done.
09/08/08
You made me tear up... tragic!!! Very well written!
Wow... you made me tear up as well. This is an emotion packed piece that needs to be told everywhere. Well done.
09/08/08
This would be a very powerful assembly!

I wonder if you could interrupt Brandon's narrative a few times with what he's feeling...have his throat tighten, have him wipe his hands on his legs...that sort of thing. I felt slightly detached from him, emotionally.

It's so sad that things like this happen all the time, including to the daughter of one of my co-workers. Brandon's right, though...if just a few people take heed, it could make a world of difference. Thanks for sharing this!
09/08/08
Very powerful message--and wonderful dialogue. I was surprised that the entire piece in dialogue worked so well--but it did.

The only nit-picky thing I have is that in most cases, numbers should be written out in word form.

Excellent job with the topic. Very good read.
09/09/08
I think you did an excellent job....very effective writing!
09/10/08
Very powerful testimony, and I'm certain Brandon did get through to at least one. I'd like to see some of the audience reaction, and like Jan said, his own reaction to telling his story. But alas, the word count, I know. I loved the part where he said his 5 years were up 2 years ago - that line got me. Great job!