Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Truth or Dare (08/28/08)
TITLE: The Muppet and the Puppet
By Donna Powers
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I know how you all admire moi and I want to set your minds at ease. Perhaps your curiosity was peaked when I went to the Emmy awards with a date other than my precious Kermie. I think I owe it to all of you to tell the story of what led up to that disaster. I have learned my lesson, and pledge my undying love to his Frogginess.
But I digress.
During one of our conversations, my Kermie was croaking on about this and that and I thought I heard him say he had been untruthful with moi. I could not abide this. Truth is very important to such an important star as moiself. My dear father, the esteemed Duke of Pork, taught me that truth is essential to a good relationship. And, after all, I have to know the one I love is telling the absolute truth when he speaks about my beauty and graciousness and his love for moi. When I heard Kermie’s unfortunate words, I was distraught. I asked him to leave my presence. Although he protested most heartily and swore his loyalty and love, he knew the power of my fierce martial arts moves and dejectedly hopped away.
What was I to do, dearest fans? A diva such as moiself cannot be seen at a public event without an escort. That would not do at all.
So, I looked about within the entertainment world to find an escort with a reputation for truthfulness. I knew that loyalty to Kermit would prevent the other Muppets from asking moi, despite their obvious admiration for my beauty and wonderfulness. So, I had to look further. I heard from Prairie Dawn of a new face in town, whose reputation for telling the truth was unrivaled. So, I decided to grace him with the honor of taking moi to the awards show.
Pinocchio was an interesting young man and though he moved rather woodenly, he had boyish good looks and I was assured that no matter what happened, he would tell the truth.
So, as we were on the dance floor, I asked him: “does this dress make moi look fat?”
I know you will be shocked to know that he had the audacity to reply that perhaps I was a bit portly to begin with. Well, that surely sizzled my bacon. I could not believe my ears. But I had asked for truth, and perhaps the lad was just too dazzled by my beauty to speak clearly. So, I gave him another chance.
“Perhaps the honor of being with the most beautifully feminine creature you have ever seen has warped your thinking, Pinocchio,” I suggested.
He gulped. I could see him struggling for words, and I thought perhaps he just could not frame words glorious enough to describe my beauty. But he squeaked, “Miss Piggy, I am indeed honored to be your escort, but to be honest, I think the Blue Fairy is more beautifully feminine.”
Well, that was enough for moi. One karate chop later, that Pinocchio was a pile of kindling.
I went contritely back to my beloved Kermie, prepared to graciously forgive him. But, when I asked him about the comment that had inspired my wrath, he was mystified.
“Piggy, my sweet, I have never lied to you,” he vowed.
“But, Kermie, why did you say you had fibbed to moi?”
”Oh, my sweet, I have never fibbed. Perhaps you misheard me when I was reminding you I am but an amp-phib-ian.”
So, you see, fans? Even moi can be imperfect in some things. Kermie and I are blissfully back together, as it should be.
But if he gets out of line again … Hai Yah! Right in the kisser!
Yours in supreme loveliness,
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