The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/29/08
Well done!
superior storytelling as always. Just snipe out a few "ands" and we have a perfect score (sorry, inside joke!)
08/31/08
Oh wow. This was wonderful. From the descriptions at the beginning, I wasn't expecting this to be about a sharp shooter. But it worked well. Great job.
08/31/08
Beautiful imagery throughout this piece. I especially enjoy the bee imagery and the lulling affect it has on the MC. But, I am so confused. I really don't know what's going on in this. I feel like I need more background information here. At this point I'm thinking that Jesus is the shooter, which, given the comment about becoming one with the machine, doesn't make sense. It could be me just being too thick to get it, but I need more background info to keep the characters straight. Again, I loved the imagery in this story.
Your word pictures are superb. I would have liked more character development of the soldier who died. I thought the MC was going to be the sharpshooter, then suddenly he was out of the story. Would love to see this story expanded. I really enjoy your writing.
You really are an excellent writer! I was uncertain who, as the reader, I was supposed to be sympathetic toward: The shooter or the soldier. I was really feeling for to the shooter. Then we were with the dying soldier. It was like two for the price of one. :) You do a great job and I predict will be in Level four very soon. God bless.
Your imagery is awesome! Truly a winning piece!
09/02/08
Nice! I love how Jesus was there waiting to welcome His servant. The switch in MC's from the shooter to the victim at the end was a little abrupt - I wish you would have ended back with the sharpshooter, but I like this story for what it is - a sensory delight, with plenty of drama and suspense.
Love the beautiful descriptive writing style. Jesus there to take the soldier home is perfect. Excellent job!
Your writing is so detailed that it really brings me into your stories. I was feeling sympathy for the sharpshooter at first, and then you switched point of views to the soldier, and I felt even more sympathy for him. Keep on writing like you do, and soon you will be in the masters category. :)