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TITLE: Satin Dresses and the Waiting Game
By Glynis Becker
08/26/08

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Don’t worry. Just wait. It’ll happen.

Fantastic advice, Mom, I think with more than a little derision. By the sheer fact that I am alive and able to half-listen to her endless clichés it is quite obvious that she no longer needs divine intervention on the matter of marriage. Well, I do (no joke intended).

At the ripe old age of 25 (so near now to the dreaded 3-0 and certain old-maid-hood that I can spit on it) I am convinced that if I have to smile for the camera even one more time while pinched into some hideous dress and shoes to match it might just send me over the proverbial edge. I’ll have to force myself to play nice and not send the bride and groom swimming in their own chocolate fountain during the chicken dance.

Of course I exaggerate. I’ve been a bridesmaid only four times—for each of my four dearest girlfriends, whom I would never push around on their special day, of course, but it is sort of morbidly funny to think about. And since I have no sisters there is now little chance that I will be put in a situation requiring that kind of moral fortitude again. Not to mention that there now seems to be a dearth of that terrible fuschia-colored satin in the tri-state region since my friend Sasha’s over-the-top, ten-attendants-on-each-side, just-bit-extreme wedding last spring. Thank goodness THAT humiliating phase of my life is over.

But now it should be my turn, right, Lord? I’m ready right now for some hand-holding and snuggling and whispered secrets for my beloved and causing that cringe on my friends’ faces when we publicly display our affection. And by ‘right now’, I mean ‘right now’!

I’ve done it all by the book: no hanging out with the wrong crowd, no playing loose and fast with the wrong kind of guys, dating mostly in groups, meeting guys in church, letting my dates know the limits and sticking to them. So why hasn’t Mr. Right or Prince Charming or even (let’s admit it at this point) Mr. Clean shown up at my door? When do I get my just due?

Okay, God, I know it’s more than a little rude to make such demands of the Almighty, but You and I have always had an open and honest relationship. You know me. I’m a little sarcastic (okay, maybe more than a little) and I take things to wild extremes sometimes, but I mean, really. I’m 25! Throw me a bone, here! Please! I’m certain You’re familiar with the concept of a ‘biological clock’—of course You are—so I don’t have to tell you that I may not have too many good years left in me. I’m on a schedule here—

Suddenly I was stopped mid-tirade with these words spoken right to the core of my spirit: Hush, child. I know your schedule better than you do. I set in motion that biological clock you think you understand so well. Trust me. Your time will come. I have someone so very special picked out just for you, but neither of you is ready quite yet. Let me do my job, but promise me that you never stop coming to me with what you want. I love you so dearly and want to give you everything your heart desires, but you need to let me work at my pace. It’s for your own good, you know.

At that last line I can almost see the cosmic eyebrow raised over one eternal eye and I laugh. Out loud. Of course He would be right. Isn’t He always?

So in that moment I surrender. I promise to be more patient. I promise to not let my desire turn into desperation, obsession or lack of faith. I promise to work on becoming the best me I can during the solitude of these moments in my life.

But I can’t completely promise that I won’t pounce like an alley cat on the next eligible bachelor who dares to show his face in the Thursday night singles Bible study.

Oh boy. Heaven help him.

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Member Comments
Member	Date
Jan Ackerson	08/29/08
Wonderful, wonderful voice. I'm a huge fan of both wit and sarcasm, and you've got them both here....yet the ending is also the perfect note. My favorite so far.
Benjamin Graber	08/29/08
Bring a hopeless romantic and someone who had to wait a long time for God to bring the right person along, I really enjoyed this. I appreciated the honesty and the humor mixed together...
Verna Cole Mitchell	08/29/08
Just delightful. I loved it!
Ellen Dodson	08/29/08
I like the dry humor which is balanced with sincerity and poignancy. God's voice in the middle of her tirade seemed too sudden/fragmented for me. I wanted some thing, some person, or some place to herald His voice. It's hard to explain what I mean. Other than that, I think this is very well-written. It takes talent to weave-in such humor.
Debi Derrick	08/31/08
Excellent! Well-written; does an excellent job of capturing the feelings of young women stuck in the waiting room.
Allison Egley	08/31/08
Oh boy. Can I ever relate! While I've only been in two weddings (one for my own brother), I've definitely felt this way before! (And I have a bit of sarcasm in me too.) The last lines remind me of a line from a song by my favorite Christian author.... "So she wept in her chamber and burned like a flame, for a man by the name of 'Sir Next Dope Who Came in the Room.'" :) Great job!
Lisa Mikitarian	08/31/08
What a perfect combination of sass and faith. The MC's voice was deliciously desperate! Great job with humor.
Yvonne Blake	08/31/08
There are many girls out there praying the same prayer...but you've ended it wisely, "God know what's best."
Lynda Schultz	09/01/08
The voice is great with just the right amount of "look at me, I'm laughing at myself." Nicely done.
James Dixon	09/01/08
What a way to pray! Supurb.
Beckie Stewart	09/03/08
Greatly done on how hard it is to wait for Mr. Right to finally show up.
Joshua Janoski	09/04/08
Oh my! This has to be one of the funniest pieces that I have read this week, and anyone who knows me knows that I love humorous writing. :) The sarcasm in this is what I loved the most. Even though it was written from a female point of view, I have caught myself saying some of the EXACT same things to God. I have told him how I am now 26 years old and approaching 30. I have told Him how I am running out of time. And of course, He answers me back the same way that he answered your MC. Lord help the woman who finally does give me a chance. LOL. I am rooting for this one to be a winner this week! It's just gotta win! I LOVED it! Never knew how great you could pull off humor until now, Glynis. I hope I see more entries like this from you. :)
Joshua Janoski	09/04/08
I just KNEW this one was going to place! So happy! I loved every word of it!
Sheri Gordon	09/04/08
Congratulations on your 2nd place. This is very funny--I love the sarcastic voice. Very nice job.
Lauryn Abbott	09/04/08
What fun! As a gal who had to go through tons of frogs and wait until I was 33 to finally get my prince, I loved this! And believe me, he was worth the wait! Great job!
Michele Roach	09/04/08
This was oh-so-very-good. I love the sarcasticly real voice of the MC. Congratulations!
Beth LaBuff	09/06/08
I think your writing on this is wonderful! Congrats on your placing!