January 17, 2004
Iím so excited. Bill and I decided itís time to try. He just got a promotion, and that means that when the baby comes, I can stay at home with him or her. I canít wait. I hope it happens soon.
March 13, 2004
Okay, nothing yet. But thatís okay. Itís only been two months, two tries. Iím sure it will happen any time.
I know itís all in Godís timing and I trust that He knows the best time for us.
May 12, 2004
Iím starting to get worried. I know they say not to worry until youíve been trying for an entire year, but that seems so long. And all my friends have gotten pregnant within the first couple of months. Some of them didnít even try at all! It just happened. I guess, I just assumed it would be the same for us. I hope it doesnít take a whole year.
June 30, 2004
Okay, now itís been half a year and nothing. Iím trying to be relaxed about it, but Iím feeling really impatient. What if somethingís wrong? And Ginny just found out she was pregnant. Iím trying to be happy for her, butÖ
August 21, 2004
I had an appointment with the doctor today. He told me to relax and said he wouldnít do any testing until next January. Iím so frustrated. And Iím so sick of people telling me to relax.
September 25, 2004
I know this is starting to consume my life, but I feel so depressed over it. I never thought it would take us this long. I almost feel like giving up. But I want a baby more than anything. Itís what Iíve wanted most in life, and I feel like God is withholding from me. I donít understand. Doesnít He say Heíll give us the desires of our heart? And this is not a bad desire. Itís a natural desire, one that He created me with! Is He punishing me for some reason? And Iím sorry, but Iím sick of hearing Ginny talk about her pregnancy. I donít want to be jealous but it feels like torture having to hear all the details of every stupid doctors appointment she has.
November 3, 2004
Itís been a while since Iíve written, but I donít know how much more of this I can take. Weíre doing everything weíre supposed to be doing and more. Iím trying to have faith, but I feel angry with God. Lately, itís even hard to pray. I just donít know if He even answers, or cares.
December 26, 2004
Another childless Christmas, but thatís okay. Iím coming to a place, where Iím realizing that maybe kids arenít in the plan for us. I donít know why that would be, but if thatís the way it is, I canít mourn forever. I just have to accept it. Iím praying for that acceptance. Weíll still get tested, but Iím not going to be so crazy about it anymore. Well, Iím going to try not to be.
January 30, 2005
We got our test result back and everything checked out fine, which is a relief in one sense but it also means thereís nothing that we can fix. We decided weíre just going to give it a break until we hear from God. Iím going back on the pill. Last year was so heartbreaking and I canít do that again. I just need to give it to God and let Him deal with it.
March 14, 2005
I just took a pregnancy test and Iím pregnant! I havenít even told Bill yet. I canít believe it!!! Iíve wanted this for so long and now itís finally happened. It doesnít even feel real. And I was on the pill! How ironic is that?
December 11, 2005
Our baby is finally here. He is so beautiful and such a gift from God. I just look at his sweet face and feel so blessed. The Lord answered our prayers. We named him David because of Psalm 40. I donít know that I was always patient but I know the Lord heard my cry and inclined to me. He put a new song in my mouth.
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