Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Patience (08/21/08)
TITLE: A New Song
By nicole wian
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I’m so excited. Bill and I decided it’s time to try. He just got a promotion, and that means that when the baby comes, I can stay at home with him or her. I can’t wait. I hope it happens soon.
March 13, 2004
Okay, nothing yet. But that’s okay. It’s only been two months, two tries. I’m sure it will happen any time.
I know it’s all in God’s timing and I trust that He knows the best time for us.
May 12, 2004
I’m starting to get worried. I know they say not to worry until you’ve been trying for an entire year, but that seems so long. And all my friends have gotten pregnant within the first couple of months. Some of them didn’t even try at all! It just happened. I guess, I just assumed it would be the same for us. I hope it doesn’t take a whole year.
June 30, 2004
Okay, now it’s been half a year and nothing. I’m trying to be relaxed about it, but I’m feeling really impatient. What if something’s wrong? And Ginny just found out she was pregnant. I’m trying to be happy for her, but…
August 21, 2004
I had an appointment with the doctor today. He told me to relax and said he wouldn’t do any testing until next January. I’m so frustrated. And I’m so sick of people telling me to relax.
September 25, 2004
I know this is starting to consume my life, but I feel so depressed over it. I never thought it would take us this long. I almost feel like giving up. But I want a baby more than anything. It’s what I’ve wanted most in life, and I feel like God is withholding from me. I don’t understand. Doesn’t He say He’ll give us the desires of our heart? And this is not a bad desire. It’s a natural desire, one that He created me with! Is He punishing me for some reason? And I’m sorry, but I’m sick of hearing Ginny talk about her pregnancy. I don’t want to be jealous but it feels like torture having to hear all the details of every stupid doctors appointment she has.
November 3, 2004
It’s been a while since I’ve written, but I don’t know how much more of this I can take. We’re doing everything we’re supposed to be doing and more. I’m trying to have faith, but I feel angry with God. Lately, it’s even hard to pray. I just don’t know if He even answers, or cares.
December 26, 2004
Another childless Christmas, but that’s okay. I’m coming to a place, where I’m realizing that maybe kids aren’t in the plan for us. I don’t know why that would be, but if that’s the way it is, I can’t mourn forever. I just have to accept it. I’m praying for that acceptance. We’ll still get tested, but I’m not going to be so crazy about it anymore. Well, I’m going to try not to be.
January 30, 2005
We got our test result back and everything checked out fine, which is a relief in one sense but it also means there’s nothing that we can fix. We decided we’re just going to give it a break until we hear from God. I’m going back on the pill. Last year was so heartbreaking and I can’t do that again. I just need to give it to God and let Him deal with it.
March 14, 2005
I just took a pregnancy test and I’m pregnant! I haven’t even told Bill yet. I can’t believe it!!! I’ve wanted this for so long and now it’s finally happened. It doesn’t even feel real. And I was on the pill! How ironic is that?
December 11, 2005
Our baby is finally here. He is so beautiful and such a gift from God. I just look at his sweet face and feel so blessed. The Lord answered our prayers. We named him David because of Psalm 40. I don’t know that I was always patient but I know the Lord heard my cry and inclined to me. He put a new song in my mouth.
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