Home Tour About What's New Help Forums Join Login My Account Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
I
Need A
Savior
301
  

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Patience (08/21/08)

TITLE: Abandoned, Betrayed, and Rescued
By Marlene Bonney
08/24/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

His whole being stood on tiptoe in joyful anticipation of this adventure, and he was all packed and ready to go. Two other times he had planned the same trip, but factors beyond his control interrupted, making this present expectation all the sweeter.

The old man grinned inwardly, adding a certain softness to his expression not ordinarily seen by those around him. He had bided his time these many years, faithfully enduring life’s challenges, sorrows, loves and joys, and he deserved a long-overdue break!

“I am finally leaving today! And, I’ve waited much longer than I thought possible.”


“How are we doing today, Bill? I’m Cindy, the cafeteria aide, remember me? I understand you haven’t been eating the past several days. Is there something that sounds good to you? I can special order it, you know.”

Silence.

“Bill, cone on now, sweetie, we have to eat,” she loudly coaxed.

“He’s not interested, Miss. We’ve all tried,” this from his longsuffering roommate, John.


Abandoned by most of his friends and family, either by distance, design, or death, the old man had to plan this journey on his own. The ones who were still alive had stopped coming long ago and he had slowly introverted into the recesses of his waning mind. He was bored, certainly, but too blind and deaf and feeble to do anything about it. His gnarled fingers lay loosely on his blanketed chest, each hand keeping the other company in a desperate attempt for warmth. Long ago memories resurfaced and danced in his brain to the beat of his heart, floating somewhat sluggishly through the dense cobwebs there.

He was cold so much of the time now. But, he had borne that these several weeks, and although still uncomfortable, had grown accustomed to this deep freeze spreading throughout his body.

He knew the hardest thing about his trip was to watch the sorrow and tears of his beloved wife of seventy years, Sophie, as she sat beside him, occasionally pleading for him to delay the inevitable. The die was cast, though, and he could not relent, even for her. He had tasted a glimpse of eternity with Him, whom he had loved and served, and there was no turning back. There would be no resuscitation techniques, no feeding tubes, no artificial means to delay him—he had seen to that when he first arrived at this holding cell.

The betrayal of his body had been the final blow, and even though he had valiantly defended himself, he knew it was a losing battle and that it was time to retreat.

“Maybe I could shake my head back and forth waving my one remaining tuft of white hair as a flag of truce,” he grasped onto a thread of his old sense of humor as he talked within himself.


Surrendering to his heavenly Father was awarding him the greatest freedom imaginable. As he slid gently into God’s awaiting arms, the cleansing and pure heat of His love spread to every fiber of Bill’s being, and he would never be cold again. A gentle breeze wafted through the airless room where he lay, his final whispered words drifting to those there,

“It was worth the wait . . .”


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 281 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Charla Diehl 08/28/08
Oh, I'm sorry for Sophie but so happy for Bill. This was a moving and descriptive story that grabbed my attention and held it to the last word.
Verna Cole Mitchell 08/28/08
Your descriptions are really well done. My favorite:
His gnarled fingers lay loosely on his blanketed chest, each hand keeping the other company in a desperate attempt for warmth.
Your contrast of the coldness of dying and the warmth of heaven is very effective. I liked the glimmer of memory and humor, as well as the hope that characterized the old man.
Jan Ackerson 08/29/08
Wonderful writing! I loved every word.
Ellen Dodson08/29/08
Life makes me cry easily, but it takes a lot for writing to make me cry. This piece makes me cry!!! (Dang.) This is unique because it's a typically unexpressed point of view. I love the subtle deep freeze metaphor and his unspoken, humorous "tuft of hair/good-bye flag" comment. I just really, really love this character's EXPECTATION rather than patience, which is really what God prefers we have. Thank you for blessing me so richly with this. Bless you.
Mary Alice Bowles09/01/08
Heaven..a wow wonderful story...Superb writing..
Patricia Turner09/02/08
Beautiful story. I did think you meant "Bill come on and eat" instead of the word cone. Nevetheless this was great!
Emily Gibson09/02/08
This is masterful. You have a winner here, I'm sure.


   
© MeasurelessMedia. All rights reservedTerms of Service