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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Patience (08/21/08)

TITLE: The Day Bobby Left
By dub W
08/21/08


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And so she sits by the window …

Bobby went to college
A long, long way away
Sissy promised her love
A pledge she had to say.

Bobby went to army
Loyal to his country
Sissy put a flag out
For everyone to see.

Bobby came home one day
His duty tour done
Sissy cried to greet him
He was her only one.

Bobby did not stay there
His ride was waiting near
Sissy tried to follow
but on no highway clear.

Bobby did not write her
Or call or send email
Sissy new his address
No letter did she sail.

Bobby soon forgotten
By most folks in the town
Sissy watched the window
Chin up and never down

“Bobby, I’m sure must be
happy where he is now.”
Sissy whispered his name
“I’ll see him soon no doubt.”

Bobby never returned
To sit by Sissy’s side
Sissy always remembered
The day her Bobby died.


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This article has been read 907 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Verna Cole Mitchell 08/28/08
I felt sorry for Sissy, patiently waiting to no avail. Bobby didn't sound worth waiting for. Poor girl.
Melanie Kerr 08/28/08
Poor Sissy. I liked the alternate thoughts - first of Bobby, then of Sissy. Telling a story through rhyming poetry is always a challenge.
Jan Ackerson 08/28/08
Oh, very sad...I can just see her, sitting at her window.

I wasn't clear--did he leave, or did he die, or did he leave and then die? And I think you wanted "knew" instead of "new" in one place.

Very good poetic skills...this one reads like a ballad.
Benjamin Graber08/29/08
Good job telling a story in poetical form - I liked the alternating lines for Bobby and Sissy.
One thought for red ink - some of the rhyming lines sound a little awkward, such as "No letter did she sail." You might want to watch your rhymes and make sure your poem flows well...
Keep up the good work!