The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Your entry is very well written and very interesting as well; however, I believe it fits "charade" better than "patience."
08/28/08
I suppose that there is a sense that the preacher had waited patiently to make his move. If only we could see people as clearly as the little girl.
08/28/08
An interesting, well-written parable, along the lines of "The Emperor's New Clothes." I wonder why not one member of that church had the gift of discernment, though?
Thought-provoking story... This is a good warning to remember that someone who sounds good might not be a honest sheep...
08/29/08
I think children often have more "discernment" than adults when it comes to feeling people out. You had me captivated from the beginning, but I think you overdo the ending. I got it (with a chill up my spine) with just his smiling in the mirror and repeating the lines about big plans. He seems diabolical, more demon than wolf. Excellent job with characterization.
09/01/08
[I don’t when I have left church feeling so uplifted,” the woman said as the little girl tugged at her other hand.]

Maybe the word "know" is missing in that part?


Very good entry.

Scary stuff.

May God bless.
Sincerely,
Dan Blankenship


09/01/08
or possibly "remember"