Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Charade (08/14/08)
TITLE: Meet The Cooks Episode Two Al Gore is a Hunky Beast
By Joshua Janoski
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âHi, honey. How are you? What! Dylan teleported to Beijing for the Olympics? You canât blame him. Michael Phelps is amazing to watch. Yes, Iâll have dinner ready tonight. I have to go now. I have a job interview with Al Gore this morning. Have fun scouring China for our son. Fight some minions for me! Bye!â
Letâs see here. Iâve got my dress shirt, khakis, freshly pressed underwear (thanks, Mom!), snazzy black loafers, and tie. Iâm dressed to impress!
âGood morning, Al.â
âGood morning? Whatâs good about it, Treehugger? Those clear skies out there are horrible!â
âYou can just call me Joe. You donât have to use my superhero name since we are good friends.â
âWhatever, Treehugger. Sit down and letâs get this interview over with! Why do you want this position?â
âAs you know, my job is to keep the environment clean and friendly for all people, and becoming the Secretary to the Vice President of the Environmental Safety Administration would be a phenomenal opportunity for me to put my skills to good use. Oh, and superhero work has been kind of slow so I need the supplemental income.â
âSuperhero work has been slow, huh? No competition for Captain Treehugger? What about Polluto? I heard that he has been lurking around causing trouble.â
âWell actuallyâŚ*cough*. Hey! Why are you lighting up a cigarette? You donât smoke! Polluting your body and the air around you is a no-no! You know that!â
âChill! Itâs my office, and if I want to light up, then thatâs my right. Whoâs in charge here?â
Al is acting really weird. I smell a ratâŚand nicotine, tar, carbon monoxide, formaldehyde, ammonia, hydrogen cyanide, arsenic, DDT, and over 400 other harmful chemicals. Donât smoke kids! Itâs bad for you. This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the internal thoughts of Captain Treehugger, defender of YOUR environment.
âI have modified the job description. The duties for this position are no longer to create and enforce United States environmental policies. If you get hired, your job will be to burn as much fossil fuel as you possibly can. We want to fill the air with as many contaminants as possible in order to monitor and measure their effects on the environment.â
âME? POLLUTE THE AIR? THATâS SACRILEGE!â
âPollute is such a harsh word, Treehugger. I prefer to call it âcontamination in the name of scientific research.â Your findings will benefit the environmental program immensely.â
This guy certainly isnât my buddy Al! Time to put him to the test and end this charade!
âSo Al, I was curious about something. Who invented The Internet?â
âRobert E. Khan and Vincent Cerf created the TCP/IP protocols while working on the ARPANET Project. Their discoveries led to the creation of what we now know as the modern Internet. Duh!â
Wrong! Al Gore created the Internet. Stay calm, Joe. Abide by the superhero code of conduct. Only apprehend those who you know for a fact are villains in disguise. Give him another chance before you rip that fake latex mask off his grimy, gray-colored skin.
âRemember when you and I went out together with our wives for dinner? Linda called me her âLittle Cabbage Pie,â and Tipper had a sappy romantic name for you as well. What did she call you?â
âIâm the one asking the questionsâŚâ
âANSWER my question! Donât make me use my retinal air purification abilities inside this room!â
âFINE! She called me her Smokinâ Hot French Vanilla Cappuccino.â
âHer Delectable Belgian Waffle?â
âFuzzy Wittle Navel?â
âRefreshing Spring Water?â
âYou are really bad at thisâŚShe called him a Hunky Beast! Why donât I rip this mask off your face so you can think more clearly, Polluto!â
*Zaaaaawoooosh* <------------------ FYI. Thatâs the sound of teleportation.
âJoe! I grabbed Dylanâs shirt, as he was teleporting! I told him to go see Daddy! I found Al Gore tied and struggling at the bottom of one of the Olympic pools.â
âSpyder the Ninja! So you came to help your husband did you?â
âThatâs Mrs. Spyder to you, smog breath! HI-YAAA!â
WALLOP! SMACK! SMASH! THUMP! CRUNCH! BANG! THUD!
âNice moves, sweetie! I hope our insurance covers that Toyota Corolla that Polluto landed on down there.â
âLetâs go home, Joe. You owe me a nice dinner.â
âAm I a Hunky Beast?â
âNo, Cabbage Pie. Youâre not.â
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