Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Charade (08/14/08)
TITLE: Meet The Cooks – Episode Two – Al Gore is a Hunky Beast
By Joshua Janoski
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“Hi, honey. How are you? What! Dylan teleported to Beijing for the Olympics? You can’t blame him. Michael Phelps is amazing to watch. Yes, I’ll have dinner ready tonight. I have to go now. I have a job interview with Al Gore this morning. Have fun scouring China for our son. Fight some minions for me! Bye!”
Let’s see here. I’ve got my dress shirt, khakis, freshly pressed underwear (thanks, Mom!), snazzy black loafers, and tie. I’m dressed to impress!
“Good morning, Al.”
“Good morning? What’s good about it, Treehugger? Those clear skies out there are horrible!”
“You can just call me Joe. You don’t have to use my superhero name since we are good friends.”
“Whatever, Treehugger. Sit down and let’s get this interview over with! Why do you want this position?”
“As you know, my job is to keep the environment clean and friendly for all people, and becoming the Secretary to the Vice President of the Environmental Safety Administration would be a phenomenal opportunity for me to put my skills to good use. Oh, and superhero work has been kind of slow so I need the supplemental income.”
“Superhero work has been slow, huh? No competition for Captain Treehugger? What about Polluto? I heard that he has been lurking around causing trouble.”
“Well actually…*cough*. Hey! Why are you lighting up a cigarette? You don’t smoke! Polluting your body and the air around you is a no-no! You know that!”
“Chill! It’s my office, and if I want to light up, then that’s my right. Who’s in charge here?”
Al is acting really weird. I smell a rat…and nicotine, tar, carbon monoxide, formaldehyde, ammonia, hydrogen cyanide, arsenic, DDT, and over 400 other harmful chemicals. Don’t smoke kids! It’s bad for you. This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the internal thoughts of Captain Treehugger, defender of YOUR environment.
“I have modified the job description. The duties for this position are no longer to create and enforce United States environmental policies. If you get hired, your job will be to burn as much fossil fuel as you possibly can. We want to fill the air with as many contaminants as possible in order to monitor and measure their effects on the environment.”
“ME? POLLUTE THE AIR? THAT’S SACRILEGE!”
“Pollute is such a harsh word, Treehugger. I prefer to call it ‘contamination in the name of scientific research.’ Your findings will benefit the environmental program immensely.”
This guy certainly isn’t my buddy Al! Time to put him to the test and end this charade!
“So Al, I was curious about something. Who invented The Internet?”
“Robert E. Khan and Vincent Cerf created the TCP/IP protocols while working on the ARPANET Project. Their discoveries led to the creation of what we now know as the modern Internet. Duh!”
Wrong! Al Gore created the Internet. Stay calm, Joe. Abide by the superhero code of conduct. Only apprehend those who you know for a fact are villains in disguise. Give him another chance before you rip that fake latex mask off his grimy, gray-colored skin.
“Remember when you and I went out together with our wives for dinner? Linda called me her ‘Little Cabbage Pie,’ and Tipper had a sappy romantic name for you as well. What did she call you?”
“I’m the one asking the questions…”
“ANSWER my question! Don’t make me use my retinal air purification abilities inside this room!”
“FINE! She called me her Smokin’ Hot French Vanilla Cappuccino.”
“Her Delectable Belgian Waffle?”
“Fuzzy Wittle Navel?”
“Refreshing Spring Water?”
“You are really bad at this…She called him a Hunky Beast! Why don’t I rip this mask off your face so you can think more clearly, Polluto!”
*Zaaaaawoooosh* <------------------ FYI. That’s the sound of teleportation.
“Joe! I grabbed Dylan’s shirt, as he was teleporting! I told him to go see Daddy! I found Al Gore tied and struggling at the bottom of one of the Olympic pools.”
“Spyder the Ninja! So you came to help your husband did you?”
“That’s Mrs. Spyder to you, smog breath! HI-YAAA!”
WALLOP! SMACK! SMASH! THUMP! CRUNCH! BANG! THUD!
“Nice moves, sweetie! I hope our insurance covers that Toyota Corolla that Polluto landed on down there.”
“Let’s go home, Joe. You owe me a nice dinner.”
“Am I a Hunky Beast?”
“No, Cabbage Pie. You’re not.”
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