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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Charade (08/14/08)

TITLE: Blackguard's Last Stand
By Patricia Turner
08/16/08


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Company C slipped into the fortress with the barest rustle of a sound, its Commander pausing for a moment to survey the carnage. Blackguard's minions had preceded them, and Blackguard himself was still hanging onto control up in the Watchtower at the top.

The Commander gave his orders and his Captains fanned out to their assigned missions, to find and gain control of the enemy's strongholds.

Dark curtains attempted to veil, and walls stood to deny access to many of the still occupied secret chambers of the place as the legions following Captain Light flew into action.

Three other captains, with no weapons or troops, headed deep into enemy territory.

Wailing and screeching echoed throughout as Light's brigades pierced the honeycombed web of darkness, sweeping out the enemy's obsequious followers and disarming their cunning devices. The Commander followed Light, surveying and approving the work, even removing much of the remaining debris himself.

Meanwhile, high in the Watchtower, Blackguard refused to accept that he was defeated.

He continued to try to get orders through to his remaining troops, actually reaching a few still holding positions in the deepest of the catacombs where the hardest fought battles were yet to take place. These were the most hard-bitten and willing of his servants, and subversion was their specialty.

As Light approached, these supplicants dug in and worked harder, making some progress in their devilry and holding onto their posts. The other three captains, having carefully taken positions on the path of Light's approach, had taken the measure of these troops and their position. The terrain here was extremely difficult. The three saw that it was going to take time and planning to defeat these, Blackguard's most committed. They conferred with Light and the Commander agreed; knowing where they were, they would return to deal with them another day, if needed.

Blackguard spun around, greeting the Commander with a venomous snarl as He entered the Watchtower, Captain Light following closely with his weapon drawn.

"Blackguard, the charade is up. You're defeated." the voice of the Commander was clear and firm.

One of the minions, a creature with foul breath, lizard scales, and the talons of a vulture, attempted to slink away. Captain Light moved swiftly to dispatch it, but the Commander, having pity even on this creature, stayed his hand.

Blackguard's bloodshot red eyes gleamed defiantly from sunken eye sockets. "You must know I'm never completely defeated" he hissed. "You can try to drive me out of this body, but I will always find another willing host. And my best servants, who are most loyal to me, will resist with their last dying breath."

"Away with you, Blackguard!" The Commander held up nail-scarred hands.

A last snarl and hiss, and Blackguard vanished. His last minions, their leader gone, abandoned their posts and fled.

The Commander surveyed with satisfaction the retaken positions, resplendent from Light's hard work.

"Commander King", bowed Captain Light. "At the heart of this fortress, a throne awaits you, as do your loyal subjects, Captains Faith, Hope, and Love, and all of the cherubim."

With great rejoicing, all of Company C bowed as the rightful Commander and King ascended the throne of a heart that now belonged wholly to Him.


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This article has been read 411 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 08/21/08
Good allegory--I think teen boys would really go for this action-packed story.

Even though you mention "charade", I'm not sure how it fits the story.

This would make a great graphic novel!
Sunny Loomis 08/25/08
Very good job. I like the light and dark aspects of this story. Good descriptions and full of action. Nicely done.
Catrina Bradley 08/27/08
A lot of action and excitement! However, it seems to be missing something - maybe specifics? I think you were trying to keep the actual "battleground" vague until closer to the end to build suspense and give an element of surprise, but in doing so, left out too much that could have added meat and substance. Of course, that's just my opinion.

The charade, as I see it, is that Blackguard actually still thinks he can win this war!! We see it as a charade because we know the Victor. Yes?

Your writing is very clever, full of great descriptions and emotion. And of course I love a happy ending. :) Cat
Yvette Roelofse08/28/08
I agree with Jan: this would make a great graphic novel! I really enjoyed this action packed adventure, and would love to read more of them.
Beth LaBuff 08/30/08
Ever since hearing the word "obsequious" it's been a favorite. I think it's great you used it in your story. *thinking how I can use that word sometime* :) You've woven a detailed story with an ending that fills us with hope.


   
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