Home Tour About Read What's New Help Join Faith
My Account Login

Get Our Devotional             Win Publishing Package             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge



how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level


submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners

Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Hide and Seek (08/07/08)

TITLE: He Says/She Says ala Song of Solomon


Can This Marriage Be Saved?

How I recall the bewildering beginning:
     My friend carried a note
From her friend, the question of yes or no?
     One I needed to circle.
Into the locker room I fled! Frightened of moonbeams—
     Her firefly radiance.

Let me dream of you with the dreams of an innocent,
     For the possibilities are sweet—
Those were the soft words I held, caressed in love,
     Aching for a single glance
In vain, I sought my lover, for you were away
     Amid the flowering sweat!

But later I arrived, my Darling, to your door
     Prepared to carry you on clouds.
I longed to behold your eyes like the blackest of brickets
     Behind the darkest feathering lashes.

Who was this that appeared from my musings?
     You were but a child who frolicked.
Yet there you stood upon legs of cedar
     Hands of iron outstretched.
Quickly, I hid my eyes, my hair, my neck—
     To the womb of my mother!

Were I Socrates, I could not honestly say,
     I knew what had passed.

And off he flew—
     Come back, come back,
The chance is close at hand!

The summer’s sun then ripened pleasing plums,
     Where was my harvesting lover?
Straining for the rap upon the chamber door,
     The unlatching of the lock.
My ears, my eyes, my arms wrapped emptiness,
     The verdant hills awaited.

Look to the city
     For the finely spun silks to weave your love story!

At last my aching and ill shod feet arrived,
     For yonder rested my lost Love.
Even in repose, your virile, free-range strength
     Exuded from each corded sinew.
Who were those felines feeding you buffalo fowl?
     Away with them, I stomped!

Was that my Beloved who quaked upon the earth?
     Wings must fly, and so must I
For all that passion, I ventured quite certain,
     I was not ready!

Of his sweet locks, I held one raven strand,
     Yet Old Spice scent still lingered . . .

And off she flew,
     Come back, come back,
The bachelor grows ready!

Great Counselor
Here, I remember,
     I had need to gather my errant ones together—
Before too much time they squandered.
    Olly olly oxen, free free free!

Oh, Beloved, with cheeks of crimson sunsets
     And breasts like the Bactrian camel,
Come share the luxury of 500 count Egyptian cotton--
     We will be one.

Oh, yes, yes, my broad-shouldered bull,
     You and I as one.

Great Counselor
And a marriage in heaven, I made.

Content for a time, but sorrowfully we attest
     The see-saw tale continued . . .

Oh, sweet chocolate Buttercup, my Turtledove,
     At home I seek my wife.
Come favor me with your lovely longings,
     Your boysenberry lips.

Among the piles of whites and towels, I labor,
     Love’s luster grows dull,
Four wild weeds have spread across our lives,
     Myself, I cannot find.

Alas, there sits a lonely man.

Dear Lord, I prayed and weighted heaviness discarded,
      Diaphanous dressings reappeared
While an homogenized moon reached its zenith.
     I searched, yet no Lover attended.

Alas, there sits a lonely woman.

The earnings and debt will not be reconciled,
      The pressures rise enormous.
Oh Lord, a sports car, another woman, help me!
     Myself, I cannot find.

Oh, heaven forbid, Great Couselor,
     They grow far apart,
Can this Marriage be saved?

Great Counselor
In the business of saving am I,
     Stand back and behold!

Lover, listen well!

May your fountain be blessed,
     May you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
     May her breasts satisfy you always,
May you ever be captivated by her love.
     Love her as I have loved you.

Beloved, listen well!

Remember always to place your Lover first, above all else.
     Respect the Lover of your youth.
Love him as I have loved him.
     Love him as I have loved you.

And let this child’s game between the two of you cease!

Ceasing wouldn’t be bad.

It might be good.

Yes, let the weary game be done.

Oh, He’s good.


Proverbs 5:18-29
1 Peter 3:1
Ephesians 5:32,33

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.

This article has been read 944 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 08/15/08
Oh, this is rich! Lots of great humor here--I literally laughed out loud a few times--but an important message, too, and genuine depth. It's free verse, it's parody, it's allusion--so many goodies in one poem! Love it!
Betsy Markman08/15/08
Oh, this is fantastic! I'm adding it to my "Favorites," and plan to re-read it quite a few times to enjoy all of its nuances and humor. Not many entries make me laugh aloud like this one. Great job!
Joy Faire Stewart08/18/08
This is amazing and a winner in my opinion. Excellent!
Joshua Janoski08/18/08
I think we might have a placer with this one. Just maybe. :)
Sara Harricharan 08/20/08
ROFL...great stuff here. I giggled through a good part of it, once I realized where this was going. Nice job! ^_^
Jean Thornberry08/20/08
Awesome! You captured the essence of love as the Lord intended it. The lines, love her as I have loved you, and love him as I have loved you speak volumes of what a marraige should be. When we put our spouse before ourselves, just as the Lord has done for us, an explosion of intimacy happens!

Thanks for sharing this lovely poem with us. May it be a blessing to many.
Patricia Turner08/20/08
What a beautiful Song of Salvation of a marriage. :-) I hear it speaking to me. Excellent writing!
T. F. Chezum08/20/08
Well done ... Very well done. Great job.
Jan Ackerson 08/24/08
Hey, Lisa--I'm going to feature this way cool poem in the Front Page Showcase for the week of September 8. Look for it on the FW Home page, and congratulations!
Catrina Bradley 09/08/08
Awesome! I happened to read this just on the heels of finishing Song of Songs, and the timing couldn't be more perfect. I love the line: "Who were those felines feeding you buffalo fowl?" I hope it was meant to be humorous because it made me laugh. I love the end too. Amazing modern day Song. :)
Linda Watson Owen09/08/08
Lisa, I'm ROFL and saying 'Amen!' all at the same time. What a gem you've written! I too am just now reading through Song of Solomon and this poem came at just the right time for me too. I found myself in the Book rolling my eyes and snickering at what translation did to Solomon's 'Song'. Yours is the perfect good natured parody. I'm sure the Lord is getting a kick out of this one too! Great job, dear poet!!
Sharlyn Guthrie09/09/08
I'm so glad that Jan chose this for the front page this week. I remember it well from the week I was judging. I thought (and still think) it is a masterpiece! I find the humor in it completely appropriate. God surely has a sense of humor too, and I know he provided you with the inspiration.