The Official Writing Challenge
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08/07/08
Excellent story. If you were to ever lengthen it, I'd suggest you'd bridge (ouch) the gap between those lost years and how it is that Benny recognizes and understands the quote from Paul. Other than that minor detail, this is wonderful writing.
08/11/08
Totally captivating from the get-go. Your ending gave me prickles. What a moving story.
08/11/08
Sad, poignant and uplifting. You've captured it all. Well done my friend!
08/11/08
Powerful entry. You brought back memories of my own experiences during the Viet Nam conflict.
Great job with Benny's voice and I enjoyed the love between the brothers.
08/11/08
Jo-anne! (Love ur name by-the-way, needs to be a song) anyway, where it didn't leave me with prickles, only because I'm not sure what that is, it did greatly impress me and like you said, left me wanting more. Great writing and introduction to a longer piece. Very creative title and lively, crisp writing that is becoming one of your trademarks. Thank you for the blessing. God bless.
Oh, my. What can I say? It's even better than the other comments said it is. I wish you had been given special license to add another 300-500 words to it, Joanne! Great job, no kidding!
08/11/08
This definately needs to be expanded. It feels like there is a novel missing in the middle -- one of those that starts at the end with Benny standing on the bridge and the last chapter is where he leaves the bridge to visit his brother. All the missing chapters are his memories of how he got here. Great story.
Powerful entry, Joanne. So good in so many ways.
08/11/08
Joanne, I loved this. You really created the atmosphere in the first half, and communicated the message in the second. The only bit I had trouble with was this paragraph, which seemed to jump in time - I had to re-read it and the preceding paragraph several times.
"It was the right thing to do, Benny," he'd insisted. "I saved lives over there. Doesn't matter what I lost. I made a difference."
Other than that - very good indeed.
08/11/08
Beautiful! Some have mentioned a few minor things that can be improved, so I won't go there. I just want to say it's powerful writing. I love your handling of everything.
08/11/08
Yup.. what they said. LOL

Seriously. It sounds like a piece of a novel. It sounded exactly like how he might think. And I LOVE the last paragraph.
A powerful and well told story. Great job.
Beautiful, touching...That dog gone word limit. Gets us every time. I almost cried...
08/12/08
I like how you sprinkle little bits of insight into the MC's mind throughout this story. His stubbornness came through. Great ending.
08/12/08
What a wonderful reminder of what bitterness and resentment can do to every heart, and yet it's never too late for redemption.. LOVED this story.. WEll told, touching, and great reminder to all of us of the importance of Letting Go of the past... God bless..
Loved this story. I like how you kept the missing body part theme throughout the story.

While I do see where it could be expanded, I think what you have here is complete just the way that it is.

This was a joy to read.
08/12/08
**sniff** I like how you used both kinds of bridges in this story. Well done.
Oh, this is wonderful. I too, wish you had been able to use more words! This would make a wonderful novel! Well done!
Is this truth or fiction? I can't tell, which is my favorite kind of literature.

I agree with the others, this needs the rest of the story. A novel maybe? I'd buy it.
This is a masterpiece, one of the best this week and one of my favorites of yours. Your writing just keeps getting better and better!
08/13/08
Just wonderful. What a great story and a great testimony, not to mention, a perfect story for the topic. I'm so glad Benny crossed over that bridge to meet his brother, and the way you ended this story, I know he will cross over the bridge of salvation...God bless you. This is a beautiful story...Helen
This is a great writing on how we can indeed be whole despite a worldly view on wholeness. Great story of forgiveness and repentance as well.
Love the first person, love the voice, love this!
There are so many things I like about this entry. The voice is great, like listening to a master story teller weaving his magic. I particularly liked : Don't believe I've ever walked across this bridge shod. Of course, this is my first time back here in years, and my memory hasn't exactly improved with age. Kind of like this bridge. I suppose I'm just about as weathered and rough as it is. You're good Joanne... very good :)

08/14/08
Yes, it does leave me wanting more details, too! I love the MC and the characters that are introduced through his memories. Very engaging read.
08/14/08
Powerful images. Great job.
Amazing how God always uses the sick and the dying to teach us so much....Even in your story which I found very moving. As always a great write! Thank you. Elizabeth.