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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Beach (07/04/05)

TITLE: Amazing story
By Aleksandra Illarionova
07/06/05


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Beach

There’s the cold November rain. In the middle area f Russia, the winter comes in not immediately. It torments by waiting and pours the gray rain on heads of round-shoulders passers.
The rain knocked in the window of a room where two persons talked.
He has poured a cup of tea and gave it her. She has smiled at him and tousles his hair tenderly.
She has broken a silence.
“I remember that old courtyard in the small town on my motherland clearly. I and my family lived then approximately twenty years ago. I remember old trees which grew in this courtyard and ropes for drying the clothes strained between trees. I remember when I was a child I was happy when played in that courtyard. My father was sent to that town for building the factory. He was the builder.”
She has sighed and continued “That town located on the north part of Russia. In that courtyard only one boy didn’t play with children. He didn’t be out his flat. He lived on the first floor. He was sick and seemed sad all time. Near his window the high tree was. Once I climbed that tree and looked him distinctly.
He painted the pictures. Then I often climbed the tree and have seen at his pictures for a long time. Once he noticed me and asked to visit him. When I have visited him he has showed me the picture which I have never seen before. There was a beach, an amazing, beautiful beach. The yellow sand, the powerful rocks and a sea – blur, green near the coast and dark blur nearly to the horizon. In the picture was the summer day and the nice southern plaints grew on the beach.
I couldn’t tear away glance and I sew and sew at the picture. “It’s a stunning thing. Where have you seen this beach?” – finally I asked. “I sew it in my dream. I have never been on the sea beach.”
Next summer a boy died. After that his mother has left the town. Then my family left the town too. Many years later I sew that picture in my dreams.
Last year I had a summer vacation. My friends offered me to Greece in place named Halkidiki to the peninsula Kassandra. The trip has taken many hours, finally we arrived to a hotel. I was tied very much so I have decided to go swimming. I have gone on the road conducting to sea. I have left on a beach and I recognize it! It was a beach from boy’s picture – the yellow sand, the powerful rocks and a sea – blur, green near the cost and dark blur nearly to the horizon, the nice southern plaints. I have begun to cry. I have recollected the sick boy and his sad smile. “Can I help you” I listened. I looked up and I sew you, my dear…”
The rain knocked in the window of a room where two persons were silent.


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This article has been read 661 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shari Armstrong 07/11/05
A very intresting style, although I have to admit some if it was hard to read. I'm assuming it's because of the person not speaking in their native tounge. It takes careful reading to not miss anything in this nice story.
dub W07/11/05
Difficult to read without paragraph breaks. Story was also a little difficult to follow.
Sally Hanan07/11/05
It's a sweet story. If you join the message boards you may be able to find someone to help you with your English for each challenge.
Nina Phillips07/12/05
I liked your story very much. I thought it was amazing too. Beautiful thoughts that struggled through the language barrier. I think it would be great if someone could help you along with the English version. I also think that their are computor programs that can convert your story's from your natural language into English. That would help, although I like a little evidence of your language too. God bless, littlelight
Val Clark07/13/05
A great effort from someone who I suspect does not have English as their first language. However, I am a little confused about the ending.
Kyle Chezum07/13/05
Very nice! Keep on writing.
Suzanne R07/14/05
I like the contrast, at the end, with the rain knocking at the window where the two people sat and talked. Thanks for posting this entry. It is lovely.
Suzanne R07/14/05
Oh - meant to say about the last line - I like the way it ties in with the beginning too. The way that winter comes not immediately in Russia, but torments by pouring rain on the heads of the round-shouldered people. (Sorry - don't have it in front of me to quote from.) Again - well done.

Just a hint. How about you get someone to proofread for you. Your English is excellent. Maybe you're a fluent English speaker intending to sound like two non-native English speakers. But it does make it a little bit harder to read. If it were more accurate with grammar, it would read more easily. And it would be an excellent activity for you if English isn't your first language. Believe me - I've done enough of that in another language myself :-)
Beth Muehlhausen07/14/05
"I saw it in my dream - I have never been on the sea beach." Made chills go down my spine! A lovely story line, both sweet and sad.
Maxx .07/15/05
At first the language made it difficult to read. I couldn't decide if the writer was struggling in a second language or was working a very good dialect piece. But as I read on the dialect gave the piece a very distinct flavor. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but it added some spice to an interesting story. Very nice!