The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/07/08
I can see a kid's picture book in this story. Very good.
I love this! My favorite line was: hiding their excitement was like trying to hide sunlight in a jar. I, too, could see a kid's picture book in this story. Well done. Kudos!!
08/08/08
Oh, this is WONDERFUL! So many gems of lines in here (loved Blanch especially). Definitely picture book material, and that last line is perfect.
08/11/08
Your descriptions are superb, and the last line shares a profound truth! This would truly make a lovely children's book! Excellent job! :)
Even children would not miss the "teamwork" message in your beautiful little story.
08/11/08
Yup.. I agree... this needs artwork and a publisher. So awesome. I am going to read it to my kids.
Loren, do you have children or grandchildren to read these stories to? I sure hope so, because these children's stories you write are treasures. I especially liked the name of the hawk in this one. :)

I also appreciated the teamwork being demonstrated by the animals. Wonderful story.
08/14/08
Well written as always!