The Official Writing Challenge
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07/11/05
A very entertaining telling, and probably exactly how it would have happened today.
07/11/05
This is great! What a creative idea, and all too true. I would have changed the title, though, and called it something else rather than just outright telling us what the story was about. Even so, good job!
07/11/05
Read it twice. Well done creative approach.
07/11/05
I like this. You could make a whole book out of the premise. Well done.
07/12/05
That is exactly the way I think it would go too. How cool! I think this is an excellent story for today. God bless ya, littlelight
07/13/05
Creative take on the Joah story. Sad but true conclusion about where a prophet like Jonah would end up today.
07/14/05
What a lovely story! I especially like the police officer's observations of his wife's faith. It beautifully illustrated that passage about the husband being saved by his wife's quiet faith. A nice contrast to Jonah's very vocal declaration of God's message. Well done!
This is soooo good! I never could have done it! I appreciate your ability to do a modern-day "take" on this classic story.
07/15/05
First off, I liked the concept and the article. Very good scene, good movement, polished prose. BUT I'm going to be a bit picky to make a point about word choice. Here is a line: "comforting and soothing oozed out of speakers". Oozed here is quite the opposite of comforting and soothing so a better word could have been used to really complete the thought. Wafted, floated, danced, glistened, etc, etc. Here is a second line: "A dark mass of hair exploded from the top of his head in an unruly riot of curls." Exploded is a strong action word that overpowers the concept of unruly hair. Here you might want to tone it down just a touch. perhaps "A dark mass of hair seemed to have exploded..." or "hair was whipped as if by an egg beater" something just a bit softer. And some alliteration: "...before finally being spewed up on the beach certainly qualifies as a traumatic experience. The presence of the whale in the area had been in the news over the last few days. Marine biologists spewed out theories..." Be careful to not spew in two successive sentences. It breaks the rythm and flow. You have much talent and will go quite far!
This was great! It seemed a little unfinished, but I enjoyed it and point well made.
Hi Melanie -

Thank you.

I really enjoyed this. Certainly, it engaged.

Yes, indeed, I truly enjoyed your twist on the Jonah account.