The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/08/08
Very effective use of repetition. I like the open-endedness of this.

And this is DEFINITELY my favorite stanza:
the nemesis taunts her with torturous lies
and bids her to step toward the rail
she anxiously gazes away to the skies
afraid that her foe may prevail
08/11/08
OK--Chill bump warning! I can't believe you managed to write this scenario so effectively. Masterful.
08/11/08
Very, very good poetic tale. You ministered your point extremely well and made an impression with this reader. However, my only suggestion would be, I had to use my own imagination to create some visuals and other senosry events. Yet still, the goal is to minister, and that you did. I am very glad I read this. God bless.
I love that you let the reader decide the ending. She picked God, and walked away, of course. ;0)
This has great meter and rhyme. Very well done.
08/11/08
I love the repetition of "she stands on a bridge".

This was my favorite line.. "she stands on a bridge and there’s nowhere to hide"... comforting if you are His, frightening if you aren't.
You presented the mc's dilemma in excellent rhythm and rhyme, leaving the reader to have the last word.
Well done. I, too, liked the ending--you gave us some hope but didn't tie it up in a bow.
08/11/08
You've got the meter and rhyme thing down pat. What a great poem! Now you can show us some more of your creativity in the Southern thread where we're so happy to have you as our newest member!!
I don't know a lot about poetry, but I know a well written poem when I see one, and this is definitely good.

I liked your ending, because it was left wide open. Sadly, not all of these situations turn out with happy endings, but you made the point that a person going through this type of ordeal has to make a choice.

Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed it.
08/13/08
I loved this and it touched me. This is not only a poetic story but poetic reality and poetic Hope. Great work Tim - I loved it.
Your expert storytelling in poetry is reminiscent of Alfred Noyes' "The Highwayman". Wonderful. :)
Tim, it is so good to see you writing again. I have always enjoyed reading your work, and this piece is no exception.

This is really good and I love the rythym and message of it. Keep up the great work.
08/14/08
Ah, this reminds me of "The Lady or the Tiger?" Which way does it end? Well done.
Wow, you had me bawling by the time I read the first verse. Now I'm shaking so much, my fingers can hardly touch the right letters. It's like you were inside of my brain or channeling me. Thank you so much for sharing. This is awesome, it's pretty neat knowing that God inspired you to write this over two years ago, knowing how desperately I needed to read it today.And it's a testament to our friendship that you gently pointed me to this at just the right time.
08/21/10
Oh my...OoOoO goosebumps!!! Very well written.