The Official Writing Challenge
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08/07/08
Your idea for this allegory is very creative. When I went back to reread I could appreciate some of your descriptive hints more, "very few people use the old bridge anymore," "even fewer seemed to mention it at all," "to most, the structure served as nothing more than a relic." Your title fits this perfectly.
08/08/08
Beautiful analogy! Tragically many do see the path of faith in Christ as an ancient and outdated way. Nice Job! One minor critique, you used 'starred' multiple times, but I believe you wanted 'stared.' 'Stared' refers to vision, while 'starred' refers to something covered with stars.
08/10/08
You've taken a tired topic and reversed it by using a demon at the end. But your rushed conclusion seems so tacked on . Especially since this is fictional, use subtlety in the end. Example: Randy considers following Haissem but notices a coldness in his eyes or a smirk in his smile. God would be good to provide Randy and out in this situation, pointing out the demon's deceit.
08/10/08
Oops, sorry!!!!! I reread. I didn't get it before. The twist in this is even more unusual than I originally thought. This, is a "suicide" to life without God. : )
08/11/08
Creative and clever, this kept my attention. Your ending is perfect.
08/11/08
AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Noitavlas = Salvation spelled backwards

Nede = Eden

Haissem = Messiah
08/11/08
Excellent creative concept. Enjoyed the cleverness. And your ministry point was well delivered. However, I wasn't a big fan of your title. Now, this isn't bad. I just think, imho, as creative as your entry was/is the title didn't seem to carry as much creative weight, though I see how it fits. Anyway, I wouldn't have added that if I didn't think your piece was top notch. Thanks for the great read. God bless.
08/11/08
What a great twist in your story. Nicely done! I love the idea of suiciding the other direction...lol. Nit even sure how to say what I mean.. You did a great job with the concept!
08/11/08
So clever and creative! I couldn't stop reading, no kidding! Kudos! Well done!
08/12/08
I enjoyed reading this through the first time, but then I went back and re-read it after I saw the other comments. You packed a lot of depth and meaning into this story, and I really enjoyed it. I like allegorical stories, and this was a great one.

I don't think that I have read any of your other works, but I look forward to doing so after reading this. Thank you for sharing.
08/12/08
So glad your MC leaped to Jesus rather than death. Very creative take, excellent writing. :)
08/13/08
Very different. I knew Randy wouldn't really jump, and I am glad he took the step in the right direction....God bless you as you continue giving blessings to people through your writing...Helen
08/14/08
(welcome back - a fitting "return" for sure). This is quite cleverly constructed and wonderfully presented.

I have a suspicion that the names have some sort of significance - am I right?

Hope you're back for good, my friend :)