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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Anger (01/24/05)

TITLE: Battling "It"
By L.M. Lee
01/24/05


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I grew up in church. I was taught to be “nice” and if you “can’t say anything nice,” then don’t!

But I am a verbal learner. I have to talk. So I became confused. If Christians are supposed to be kind, patient, considerate, gentle and controlled – why is my interior a boiling caldron of anger seasoned generously with bitterness and rage? {Why do I always seem to revert to cooking analogies…everyone knows I hate to cook?}

I really wanted to be like Jesus. But I was miserable. I didn’t feel nice and I was mad because I didn’t. The longer I battled the conflicting emotions, the angrier I became. And that anger, bred fear; fear of exposure. Fear that if someone really knew me; they would know I was a fake.

That’s right a fake! A hypocrite! A goat! Yes, my biggest fear was of Jesus’ return and His announcement to the entire world: Lissa M. Lee is a goat! He would rubber stamp “Never Known” on my forehead, extend the left-boot of fellowship and spiral me into the eternal dark abyss.

That fear snared me in a thicket of guilt and shame. Ever seen a goat’s horns caught in a thicket? It ain’t a pretty sight!

God is so merciful! Fortunately He knows what He’s doing!

God simply allowed circumstances and situations to get worse. That’s right; He turned up the heat. {I would have put the mess in a refrigerator, cool it off and made jell-o}. God knew “cold” was not the solution; He wants character, not linguini. Heat and pressure create diamonds.

He continued to increase the pressure until I exploded! It wasn’t as messy as shell encased raw egg nuked in a microwave, but it was close. {There I go again. And no, I’ve never actually done this. I may not like to cook, but I’m not stupid.}

God and I went head-to-head. Picture God standing there, His loving hand extended against my forehead and me batting air with my fists. Does this “prayerful” position sound familiar? Oh how patient Father is!

Somewhere in the middle of this comical match I screamed, “Why are You doing this to me? I just can’t do “it!” I can’t be nice!”

“Finally!” came an exuberating thunderous sigh from the heavenlies.

“That’s it?” I replied, “That’s all You’ve got to say?” {You have to admit I’m spunky for someone questioning the Creator of the Universe!}

Despite years of evangelism seminars and summits I had never quite understood “it” before. I’m being honest, go ahead, laugh, I’m use to it. I am a spiritual remedial learner, slow and spiritually challenged. I accept it!

But that was “it.” God never intended me to do “it.” That commandment about no other gods…it means no other gods, no other ways and not even me. It means Him, completely, ‘nuthang else – nadda!

How does “it” work? “It” was a lot easier than I realized. When I feel angry, cheated, robbed, rejected, etc., I don’t deny it. I confess it. I admit the moron that pulled out in front of me in traffic, forcing me to slam on breaks, launching 12 dozen frosted cupcakes for the F.C.A.’s bake sale into the back of my head and windshield is an jerk. I tell God “it” ain’t right.

Then I step back and allow God to be God! I am supposed to W.W.J.D., right? So what did Jesus do…

Jesus replied, “I have much to say in judgment of you. But He who sent me is reliable, and what I have heard from Him I tell the world.” (John 8:26 NIV)

Did you see it? Even Jesus wanted to verbally express His opinion about jerks, but He didn’t…He allowed God to speak!

And the best part, I ain’t faking “it!” You know why? Because “it’s” God loving that moron…not me!

* sigh * Christ in me…the ONLY hope of glory!


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This article has been read 967 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Lee Schab 01/31/05
Great thoughts and love the humor! I could relate to much of your article, particularly the "loving hand against my forehead with my arms punching the air" LOL Every one of us has an "it" in our lives to battle, don't we?
Blessings, Lynda

P.S. Woo-hoo! I think I am one for one in guessing the author of each article! (and it had nothing to do with your name being inserted in there LOL)
Corinne Smelker 01/31/05
Loved It! I learnt something from you in this article, because it seems we are cut from the same cloth - thanks for the insight.
Deborah Anderson01/31/05
LOL loved your humor! God bless you.
Dave Wagner01/31/05
Outstanding. Personal, and real, humorous and poignant, all at the same time! These were my favorite parts:

>> ...extend the left-boot of fellowship...<<

>>He wants character, not linguini.<<

>> Picture God standing there, His loving hand extended against my forehead and me batting air with my fists.<<

This one's a home run. Thanks for posting it.
Debbie OConnor02/04/05
I love this! You sound just like me. Great humor and honesty.
darlene hight02/06/05
Great entry! Very entertaining with a lesson nicely concealed.
Bob Zoellner02/06/05
From someone who can relate to your emotions - thank you! "It" has been a struggle for me, too! Sometimes cupcakes upside my head do the trick! Good entry.
Jonita (Jay) Johnson02/06/05
This is oh SOOOOO REAL, especially tyhe part about being the remedial, spiritually challenged. Thank God someone else feels that way too. I thought I was ALL BY MYSELF. lol. Excellent. Thank you.