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Hi, Mom! How are you feeling?
Why, it’s Maude! What are you doing in my room? And why are you calling me Mom?
Mom, I’m Sharla, your daughter. Maude was your sister.
Well, I think I know my own sister. And I’d certainly know if I had a daughter. And I’d never name her anything like Sharla. Oh, Maude, you are such a scamp. Is it time for school? Let’s skip school today!
Mom, I came because I’m worried. They called me to tell me you’d broken your hip and that you won’t walk with the physical therapist. They also said you won’t take your medicine or eat your food.
Oh, fiddlesticks! Broken hip, my eye! These people keep coming into the house and insisting that I exercise and take these awful pills. Why in the world doesn’t Dad keep them out? I can’t understand it for the life of me. Sometimes I think I’m on Candid Camera.
Mom, don’t you understand? You’re not home with your mom and dad. You’re 83 years old and you live in Pine Crest Nursing Home.
Oh, stop kidding around, Maudie. 83 years old. That’s older than Grandma Hazel. I don’t know why you’re all tricking me this way. Is it because of me borrowing your pink sweater? I told you I was sorry! Honestly, I just don’t know what’s been happening lately. And look at this food. If Mom wants me to eat you’d think she’d know better than to give me this slop.
Oh, Mom. I don’t know what I am going to do. You have to eat enough to stay healthy and you have to take your pills and do your exercises. I have enough to worry about at my own house. Since Edgar retired he’s been such a pest, and Lucy is getting a divorce, and …
Who are those people? Edgar? Lucy? Maude, why are you teasing me like that? I just don’t understand. What’s going on?
Please don’t cry, Mom. Here’s the nurse. Will you please take your pills and at least drink some milk? I’ll see if there’s something on the TV.
There, Maude. Did it make you happy to see me swallow those nasty pills? I don’t know what kind of vitamins Mom is buying these days, but they taste awful. And what is this awful, lumpy grey stuff?
It’s oatmeal, Mom. You used to love it.
Oatmeal, you say? You’re right, that used to be my favorite. Why can’t I remember what it looks like?
Here, Mom. There’s a station with hymns, and it shows the words. I know you love the old hymns. Maybe you’d like to sing some of them with me. Let me get your glasses.
Oh, don’t be silly. I don’t need to read to sing those hymns. “When I survey the wondrous cross, on which the Prince of Glory died, my richest gain I count but loss, and pour contempt on all my pride…”
Mom, that’s amazing! How can you remember all those words when you can’t remember anything else?
Well, I don’t know, Maudie. I guess I just remember the most important things. Now hush up and let’s sing. “Were the whole realm of nature mine…”
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