Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: The Family Reunion (06/05/08)
TITLE: A Rip-Snortin' Roundup
By Donna Powers
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Why, that’s right neighborly of you! I’m Jethro Bodine … glad ta meetcha. My wife Cleona and the young’uns is using the facilities. We kin git better acquainted.
Well, yessir, I guess I am a’travelin for pleasure. We’uns goin’ to our family reunion. Betcha a dollar ya caint guess where we’uns headed for. I reckon I’d better tell ya. We’uns going to Beverly Hills! Nah, I ain’t pullin yer laig.
Well, ya see, my Uncle Jed has a great big old mansion out there. He made hisself a pile of loot by findin’ some oil in his swamp back home and moved hisself out to the big city. I never did take to that part of Californy, so I went home. Best decision I ever made, cuz my sister Jethrine done introduced me to my Cleona. Yonder she comes now!
Here she is, Mister …my Cleona and our younguns: Daisy and Cletus. Aint they sumthin’? Daisy were named fer my dear departed Granny. Pore old Granny done keeled over last winter, so we won’t be seein’ her at the reunion. It shore will be different without her to pester Uncle Jed or bully me and Ellie May.
Ellie May? That’s my sister. Purty as a pitcher… almost as purty as my Missus here. She’ll be at the reunion fer shore, Mister. Caint rightly say which gentleman caller she’ll drag along. Ever since Daisy May got bit by the actin’ bug, she aint been with the same gentleman caller for more time than it takes to skin a hog. Oh, no my sister ain’t no woman of loose morals. She’s just a actress in them makeup commercials. No boo-dwah pitchers for my little sister!
Hoooo…eee! This coffee’s right tame, ain’t it, Cleona? Guess I done got used to good ol’ country coffee again whilst I was back home. I guess I’ll have ta git myself back into the habit of drinkin this weak stuff when we’re at the reunion. Uncle Jed takes store in puttin’ on the old feed bag so I knows we’ll be eatin’ to beat the band at that there party.
Uncle Jed’s a fine old guy and I shorely do set quite a store by him. ‘Course, he ain’t the same since he married Miss Jane, but I guess she’s a good old egg. Fer a while there, I thought it was me she was pinin’ fer but I guess not. Just as well; Cleona woulda scalpt her wouldn’t ya, sugar? Miss Jane used to be the seck-a-tary of that thar bank where Uncle Jed’s got his money. It shorely is a good thing somebody in the family understands money. Uncle Jed is a pure fool when it comes to Miss Jane, but they say there’s no fool like a old fool.
Miss Jane really helped Uncle Jed out when Granny died. She found a way to take Granny’s White Lightning recipe and sell it to some all–turn–ative fuel company. Anyway, if Uncle Jed hadn’t already been a bazillionaire before then he shore was after that!
It is shorely gonna be a rip-snortin’ roundup! I love seein’ the family and we’uns fixin’ to roast us a big ol’ hawg and trot out Miss Jane’s pickled pig feet and we’ll go swimmin’ out at the see-ment pond. Reckon my younguns will enjoy that. We’re probally gonna do our share of hootin’ and hollerin’ and singin’ and dancin’. Heck - we probally won’t even pull up the rug til nigh onto midnight.
What’s that, Cleona? Well, you shorely are right. Where are my manners? Why not come on to the mansion with us, Mister? Uncle Jed won’t mind! He’d thank you for kindly droppin’ in! After all, ain’t it the Good Book that says we is all God’s younguns? So you’re part of the family, too – and you ain’t lived til you’ve had a heapin helpin’ of their hospitality! And if you’re hankerin’ for a lady friend, my sister Jethrine is going to be at the reunion. Purty? Why, she shorely is! Just as purty as my Cleona!
So what do you say, Mister? Shall we load ya up in the truck and move on to Beverly? Hills, that is. Oh yeah… swimmin’ pools… movie stars. Y’all will like it, I’m sure!
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