The Official Writing Challenge
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06/05/08
Great title, and a very sweet family.
06/05/08
The title is great...it drew me to the story, which was also very nice.
06/08/08
Very good title for the piece, and I enjoyed the dialog especially - it seemed real.

Watch your punctuation a bit - was a tad distracting.

Enjoyed this very much!
06/08/08
Great dialogue, and I too loved the title (I have a "thing" for titles)! Wonderful story...
Very nice story and a great title. I loved the description... "Turning as red as the flower on the barrel cactus". The final paragraph has so much truth in it. Well done Debbie
Lovely title and well written story. I enjoyed reading it.
06/09/08
What a cute title! I loved the ending that tied it in with it. I kinda wanted to know a little more about this little world you created, the characters were neat and I wanted to see what would happen to them next. Good job! ^_^
I liked the title and the lesson told in this story. It was nice to see the couple become happily settled in their new dwelling. Thank you for sharing.
06/11/08
Great work Debbie, I really enjoyed how you developed the details and dialogue in this slice of life.

It would have helped me jump timelines a little if you added some asterisks between scenes. They were well developed, but it took me a moment or two to re-engage in the story between the transitions.

You might have been able to milk a little more tension out of the beginning to increase the payoff at the end.

Well written with an excellent message!