Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Join Faith
Writers
Forum
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Get Our Daily Devotional             Win A Publishing Package             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Cousin(s) (05/22/08)

TITLE: The Snake.
By Esther Gellert
05/29/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

“Are we nearly there yet?”

I was sick and tired of my little sisters whining, even though I knew exactly how she felt. We had been in the car for almost eight hours now and I was keen to reach my Uncle’s farm in South Australia. I couldn’t wait to see my cousins again either.

Michael and Gabriel were just a few years older than me, but they seemed to know so much more about life. The stories they told were full of adventure and excitement. Auntie Shirl said that although she’d named her boys after angels, it hadn’t made them angelic. I thought they lived up to the angels Dad read about in the Bible. Mike and Gabe were always bold and brave. On their camping trip to the Northern Territory last summer a six foot croc had crawled into their tent while they were out rock climbing. It almost bit Gabe’s leg off when they got back, but Mike scared it away with a flaming branch from the campfire. I grinned as I thought of some of the other things they’d done. They’d stolen emu eggs from the nest, been swooped by wedge-tailed eagles, attacked by dingos and they had even seen a Tasmanian tiger.

Dad and Mum said I was too young to go camping with Mike and Gabe last summer, but now I’m twelve Dad has promised to let me camp out for a couple of days.

When we arrived at Uncle Pete and Auntie Shirl’s farm, Mike and Gabe were already out on the motorbikes in the back paddock. Mum said I wasn’t allowed to join them yet, so I went inside and listened as Auntie Shirl “Ooh’d” and “Aah’d” over how much Katie and I had grown in a year.

I tried to get Dad’s attention and asked again if I could go out and find my cousins. Dad was deep in conversation with Uncle Pete, so I took his brief nod as a yes and headed out the door before he could change his mind.

Uncle Pete’s farm had been in the family for over a hundred years and it looked every day of it. The yard was littered with a century worth of rusty, broken machinery. Normally I loved tinkering around with the machinery, but today I just wanted to find Mike and Gabe. I was surprised they hadn’t come in to greet us.

As I headed for the paddock where I’d heard the motorbike, I was interrupted by the sound of voices in one of the derelict sheds. On impulse, I decided to sneak up on my cousins and surprise them.

As I crept closer, I heard Mike’s voice. “What you got there, Gabe?”

“It’s a baby snake. Look how little it is,” Gabe replied. “D’ya think we could use it to scare those baby cousins of ours?”

“Nah. Too small. Let’s just tell ‘em about it. We’ll say it was five foot long.” I heard the excitement begin to creep into Mike’s voice.

“Yeah, and we’ll say it’s a King Brown too. Do you reckon Dad’ll believe that?”

“Should believe it. Let’s tell ‘em it was gonna bite you, but I grabbed it’s tail and flicked it against a tree to save you.”

Gabe let out a strange squawking noise. “Well, that’s not fair. We told ‘em you saved me from that croc last year. I think it’s time I did the saving for once.”

There was a pause before Mike responded. “I guess you’re right Gabe. It is your turn. Okay. We’ll tell ‘em I was jumping out of the tree and I tripped over and got knocked out cold. You climbed down and saw the snake ready to strike at me, but because you were behind ‘im, you managed to grab his tail, swing ‘im around and whack ‘im against a tree.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How dare they call me a baby! And did they always make up stories like this to tell me? I allowed my mind to wander back over every story my cousins had ever told me and suddenly it came to me. Everything they said was a lie. Every story and every heroic epic they had ever told me was a complete fabrication. Auntie Shirl was right. My cousins might be named after angels, but there was nothing angelic about them.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 410 times
Member Comments
Member Date
LauraLee Shaw05/29/08
Definitely NOT angelic! Snake-like, maybe? LOL. This was an entertaining read, especially the second half.
Holly Westefeld05/29/08
Great story telling of this disillusioning experience.
Shirley McClay 05/29/08
You sure got me! I was expecting another wild escapade.. not the ending that actually happened. Great job.
Phyllis Inniss 05/29/08
Great story. I like the way the "adventurers" had their escapades found out, not suspecting anything.
Debbie Wistrom06/01/08
Oh, to have your childhood heros decloaked...I was hoping your MC would finally have an adventure.
Sharlyn Guthrie06/01/08
I thought your story worked well even without a great deal of dialogue. It certainly kept my attention! Too bad he was disappointed by his non-angelic cousins in the end, but it was a good growing and learning experience.
Jan Ackerson 06/02/08
Good job with the natural-sounding dialogue, and the double meaning of the title.
Joshua Janoski06/03/08
Sounds to me like the cousins were snakes themselves, feeding you all of those lies. LOL. I have a cousin who loves to embellish the truth and make things sound so much bigger than they are, so I could relate to this. Thank you for sharing.
Lyn Churchyard06/04/08
Loved reading this Esther. What rats the cousins were, definitely nothing angelic about them. Great job on the boy's dialogue.
Amy Michelle Wiley 06/04/08
Hehe, fun story. I kinda suspected the stories might be embellished, but it was still fun to find out for sure.
Chely Roach06/05/08
Such an entertaining read...well done, Esther!
Carol Wiley06/05/08
Very good story! Finding out the truth about one's cousins is sometimes hard. My only critique would be that in this sentence, "I was sick and tired of my little sisters whining, even though I knew exactly how she felt.", the sisters should show possession or the "she felt" should be they.
Aaron Morrow06/05/08
Excellent writing Esther, I really enjoyed the read.
The process of making up the story and then determining who would be the hero was hysterical.
Good pacing and characters!
Karen Wilber 06/05/08
LOL I love your title. Oh those cousins are going to be in for it now that she's on to them. Makes me want to see what happens next.