The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/30/08
What an emotional slice of life scene! Very realistic for that age too. You did an excellent job with the dialogue and descriptions and especially the characterization. Well done!
06/01/08
"I didn’t have to look at her to see the hurt; it radiated from her like heat." -- I love this description! I can almost feel it too.

The ending didn't give me enough. You illustrate a powerful lesson, but it seems unfinished. (Often one of the challenges of working within a 750 word count).

Your description and dialog paint a picture of these two cousin/sisters that is real and believable.

Great job! Blessings, Cheri
Excellent story full of great descriptions, dialogue and character. A lesson well learned indeed. I wish we could have had more - don't you hate the 750 word limit sometimes. Well done Glynis, well done.
06/02/08
Oh, very good! I don't think it feels unfinished at all--I love the ending, and I loved it all the way through.
I wasn't expecting that ending, but there was a good lesson to be learned from it.

Your descriptions are wonderful, and the lesson being taught is even better. I'm guessing that this was fiction, but it was 100% believable.
Thanks for the intimate glimpse into the lives of teens. This read true to me, great job.

Your title is so appropriate and doesn't give the ending away.
06/04/08
Very realistic! I felt so sad for both of them to know that there's a rift now between them, very emotional, good job! ^_^
The trouble with hateful words that they're out there, and they can't be taken back. You showed this extraordinarly well in this true-to-life, well written cousins' story.