The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/30/08
DARLING story!!! Love the "whatevs" and the "I heart you." How precious is that! Your surprise visitor at the end was perfect! WEll done.
This was purely delightful. I loved it! The dialogue, the cousinly love, the twist at the end.
06/01/08
Oh Sara! I loved this! So girly with girly problems. Wonderful writing and very creative!
06/01/08
"The owner of the interruption rested her elbows on the edge of the floor." -- I love this line!

Very believable tale of two cousins, complete with a little twist.

Nice job. Blessings, Cheri
06/01/08
I like stories with a twist. Good job.
06/01/08
Cool! I loved playing in trees too. I was a little confused about the name "Pamela". I assumed it was just a coincidence that she had the same name as their imaginary "queen".
Good descriptions and dialogue.
Wonderful characterization of the girls. I chuckled a couple of times. This was entertaining and very well written. Kudos.
06/01/08
This was fun to read(you took me into my second childhood :) ). It reminded me of the sisters in "Little Women" and their play/acting. I loved the twist at the end with the real Pamela.
06/02/08
The dialogue in this story is perfect for these characters. Love the little twists and turns as the girls discuss their troubles. Such fun!
Great dialogue and so thirteen-year-oldish. You've got the attitudes of the girls down perfectly. Great story, well done!!
06/02/08
I would LOVE to see young teen girls use this as a discussion starter in a youth group. It's so much more realistic and relate-able than lots of the stuff that one sees. Superb dialogue and voice.
This is simply charming! I love the dialogue. It seems so real. Love the whole big sister thing and the tree house, and the arrival of cousin Pamela tops it off perfectly. Great job!
Great dialogue and age-appropriate. I like the way the story pulled together included with the prayer in the middle for the older sister.
~Ree~
There is nothing wrong with this entry. I feel a ribbon in your near future. I was drawn into the reality/fantasy of being a girl again.
One of my favs this week.
The dialogue in this piece is what really makes it shine. You captured the girl's voices perfectly. Wonderful job!
06/03/08
I don't know much about teen-age talk, not knowing anyone aged 13 recently, and it is a long time since I was 13, but this sounded pretty cute to me. It is just as I would imagine two little girls would talk. Loved the surprise entrance of the Pamela, the unknown cousin. Cute story, and very authentic sounding...Helen
So many great lessons can be found in this piece, but I especially liked the way it showed how children can learn and help each other out in dealing with the events in our everyday lifes. I liked the cousin from NY, too. Sounds very level headed.
Lovely story, I could just shut my eyes and imagine my two daughters doing that.
Well done on your placing.