The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/29/08
What a sad story for your family to lose someone at such a young age but written wonderfully, with the hope of Heaven for all of us. Thank you for sharing. I like the tie of the watermelon and the peas, you were able to portray the connection nicely.
~Ree~
05/29/08
Your story is heartbreaking from our viewpoint. You've written this very well, putting the reader right with you--from the dread at hearing the siren to the explanation to Stephanie. You've also added hope to your story… that of heaven. Very nice work on this.
06/01/08
This is moving for sure, and your ending was the perfect choice. Well done!
06/02/08
You have made me cry...
This was absolutely wonderful; perfect title, and such hope you have provided to such a tragic story. Amazing writing...
06/02/08
I loved the title of this story. Hearing sirens when someone is late arriving home is worrying. I loved the tender way the parents explained to the four year old about death "She is so happy playing and “cloud-hopping” in God’s beautiful, big heavenly home" Good story, well done.
06/02/08
Oh, Honey - this is wonderful! Tore my heartstrings right out. You absolutely captured the understanding of the cousin buddy. Excellent.
06/02/08
Thanks so much for sharing this story! Your title draws readers right in, and the well-written true account is a gripping read.
06/02/08
The ending and authors note at the end really got to me. What a tragedy, and yet there is also hope included. Thank you so much for sharing this bittersweet story. I'm sure Leslie is up in Heaven right now sinking her teeth into a juicy piece of watermelon.
06/03/08
On top of an outstanding story, you have many wonderful word choices and combinations. Your talent is apparent here, keep it up.
06/03/08
I very much liked the story, but I especially loved the footnote that made it personal and real. It brought tears to my eyes.
06/04/08
Without preaching it, you showed incredible hope in the midst of deep tragedy. You captured the closeness of the cousins beautifully. I daily babysit my grandchildren, two girls are three years old (three months apart in age). You described perfectly their relationship. Thanks for sharing your tender, well-written story.