The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
What a sad story for your family to lose someone at such a young age but written wonderfully, with the hope of Heaven for all of us. Thank you for sharing. I like the tie of the watermelon and the peas, you were able to portray the connection nicely.
Your story is heartbreaking from our viewpoint. You've written this very well, putting the reader right with you--from the dread at hearing the siren to the explanation to Stephanie. You've also added hope to your story… that of heaven. Very nice work on this.
This is moving for sure, and your ending was the perfect choice. Well done!
You have made me cry...
This was absolutely wonderful; perfect title, and such hope you have provided to such a tragic story. Amazing writing...
I loved the title of this story. Hearing sirens when someone is late arriving home is worrying. I loved the tender way the parents explained to the four year old about death "She is so happy playing and “cloud-hopping” in God’s beautiful, big heavenly home" Good story, well done.
Oh, Honey - this is wonderful! Tore my heartstrings right out. You absolutely captured the understanding of the cousin buddy. Excellent.
Thanks so much for sharing this story! Your title draws readers right in, and the well-written true account is a gripping read.
The ending and authors note at the end really got to me. What a tragedy, and yet there is also hope included. Thank you so much for sharing this bittersweet story. I'm sure Leslie is up in Heaven right now sinking her teeth into a juicy piece of watermelon.
On top of an outstanding story, you have many wonderful word choices and combinations. Your talent is apparent here, keep it up.
I very much liked the story, but I especially loved the footnote that made it personal and real. It brought tears to my eyes.
Without preaching it, you showed incredible hope in the midst of deep tragedy. You captured the closeness of the cousins beautifully. I daily babysit my grandchildren, two girls are three years old (three months apart in age). You described perfectly their relationship. Thanks for sharing your tender, well-written story.