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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: The Family Pet (05/15/08)

TITLE: Hide-and-Seek in Hades
By Chely Roach
05/21/08


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Charlie Bear perked up as he noticed the gruesome, weary parade. Thousands of souls—shrouded in a toxic veil of white soot and debris—still remained, trying to find a way out of the city. Kevin’s heart broke and rejoiced for them at the same time. His eyes fell upon the void in the skyline; replaced by blue sky and rancid smoke.

As Kevin’s work SUV slowed at a police checkpoint, he put his hand on Charlie’s golden head, stroking his thumb in the deep wrinkle between his espresso eyes, “Are ya’ ready for hide-and-seek, Buddy?”

Charlie thumped his tail on the seat and whimpered, accompanied by a gently lick to Kevin’s right earlobe. He rolled down his window and flashed his FEMA identification to an NYC officer. Somber nods and pointing hands led him to a parking garage—the rest of their journey would have to be on foot.

The stench was like nothing Kevin had experienced in 12 years as a firefighter. He put on his re-breather mask and gear, and felt a pang of guilt as he put on the orange vest on Charlie Bear. His only protection from the asbestos and soot was a patch on his vest that read, “Rescue Dog”.

“Okay Buddy…this is going to harder than all the rest—you need to be extra careful today. Mom made me promise I’d bring you home safe to the kiddos,” Charlie walloped his tail frantically at the mention of the kids.

They were the ones who taught him “hide-and-seek” when he was still a puppy. Kevin’s youngest—Justin—came to him in tears while his brother and cousins were playing in the yard.

“Jacob’s cheating again…it’s no fair,” as the tears left clean stripes on his cheeks.

“It’s hide-and-seek…is he peeking?”

“No, he’s using Charlie Bear!” Kevin looked over his son’s shoulder, and sure enough, Jacob and Charlie were methodically flushing out dirty kids from hiding places at every corner of the lawn. The next month, Charlie and Kevin started their official training with FEMA.

Kevin was pulled out of the past—and into Hades—as he turned the corner and saw “the pile”. The smell of smoldering electrical fires, melting plastic and scorched flesh, mingled into a nauseating concoction in Kevin’s mask. However, it was the eerie, high pitch sound that caused his heart and entire soul to gather in his esophagus. Charlie cranked his neck from side to side, perplexed by the searing cacophony. Kevin knew all too well what it was; hundreds of firefighter’s personal locators were emitting their frantically somber dirge. His grief surged into rage, then pride, and then back to an ache deep within; it felt as though his organs were inside out. He ran between two soot entombed cars and wretched by the curb. Charlie whined at Kevin’s side, consoling his friend with an endless supply of kisses to his stubbly face.

His sat cross-legged on the pavement, with both arms wrapped around Charlie. “Those are my friends under there, Charlie Bear…we’ve got to get them out, Buddy.”

Charlie pawed at the air.

“Okay, sweet Bear…let’s do it,” as he wiped the moisture from his face.

The duo checked in at the FEMA tent, where they were debriefed and assigned a location to scour. “The pile” was the most difficult terrain they had ever encountered. Ragged steel, shattered glass and crumbled concrete; all with noxious hot smoke seeping through the cracks. It was Hell on Earth.

At the end of every shift, a volunteer would hide for Charlie to find. He would play along—excited to discover a warm, breathing body—although Kevin suspected that Charlie knew that it wasn’t the real thing. In twenty nine days they found 33 body parts and 112 personal items; the most disturbing for Kevin was the toddler sized pink sandal. Unfortunately, they did not find any survivors.

On the twenty ninth day, they headed north at dusk, the October sun reflecting off the crimson and gold leaves that donned the hillsides. When turning onto their street, Charlie sat up, whacking his tail on the vinyl seat. As the SUV reached their driveway, Kevin’s wife Heather ran out and clutched him, sobbing into the crook of his neck. Charlie bolted out of the vehicle and through the front door, making a beeline to the boys' bunk-beds. He licked Justin’s bare foot, and snuggled up into the bed next to him.

Charlie proceeded to indulge in a hero’s well deserved 12 hour nap.


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This article has been read 549 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Carol Sprock05/22/08
A very powerfully moving account. I found the paragraph describing Kevin at the pile the most vivid part. For some reason, the ending--last line--seemed a bit too tame or too much a platitude. Not that Charlie Bear was not a hero--he certainly was--but I was hoping for more closure on delivance from Hades analogy. By the way, excellent title for the piece--also very attention-grabbing. You included several lively descriptive details like "tears left clean stripes on his cheeks."
Debbie Wistrom05/23/08
Yea Charlie and yea Kevin.
This entry is perfect for this topic and offers hope.
Many nice touches makes this shine.

Intriguing title and right on.
I'd like to see this place.
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/24/08
This story is masterfully told, beginning to end.
c clemons05/25/08
Other than not being clear when the "he" in several paragraphs were not clear in referring to Charlie or Kevin, this was a good piece. I agree the ending was a little tame but okay. Good job.
Betty Castleberry05/26/08
We sometimes forget the noble things pets do. This story is a reminder of that. It held my attention all the way through. Very well done.
Joanne Sher 05/26/08
Very, very powerful and vivid. I was in there with that dog, and my stomach was turning with his owner. Excellent descriptions.
Joshua Janoski05/26/08
I don't know why you wouldn't think this was a good story. I enjoyed it very much. I was very relieved at the end when Charlie was still alive. I was afriad that you were going to throw in his death at the last minute.

Was the setting for this story the Twin Tower plane crashes on 9/11? I was just curious, because that is the impression I got while reading.

Thank you for sharing. It was a very good read. :)
Holly Westefeld05/26/08
A powerful and moving story.
I liked the detail of a volunteer hiding at the end of each shift, so the dog might not become discouraged.
Jan Ackerson 05/27/08
The thing that touched me the most was the little pink sandal--and then in the next paragraph, you have Charlie Bear licking Justin's bare foot. Beautiful juxtaposition of images.
Beckie Stewart05/28/08
Whoa! This was well written and a good read from beginning to end.
Cheri Hardaway 05/28/08
"...he put his hand on Charlie’s golden head, stroking his thumb in the deep wrinkle between his espresso eyes..." -- love your descriptive details, such as this one.

This was an incredibly intense story, one that makes the reader feel as if he or she is on the scene.

Good writing. At times, I got lost a little as to whether or not a "he" referred to Charlie Bear or Kevin, but the confusion was quickly cleared up.

And I was relieved to see Charlie return home safe and sound. Blessings, Cheri
Karen Wilber 05/28/08
Excellent title. The detail about the personal locators--chilling to read, lump-in-the-throat. You probably could have ended it 1 sentence sooner, but this was very, very good. Good balance between your story and "the story". I felt like I was there, watching.
BOB BLACKMAN05/29/08
I liked this, but I really wanted them to find and save at least one person. I kept waiting for you to paraphrase Matthew 16:18, “Thou art Charlie Bear, … and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against you.”
Joshua Janoski05/29/08
Congratulations on taking 6th place in your level with this piece, Michele!
Joshua Janoski05/29/08
And you placed 25th overall. Awesome!
LaNaye Perkins06/03/08
You are so talented. I truly enjoy reading your work my friend. Well done.


   
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