The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/22/08
I really liked how you maintained continuity with the ribbon--the last line even game a bit of a chill because it was so fitting in showing Sack's devotion. A very minor thing made me pause a bit too long: "but even at nine, I still." It didn't make sense to me that a nine-year-old boy would be considered a man. I probably would have deleted the "even" so it read "but at nine." Rather picky point--feel free to ignore me! You used excellent figurative language to sketch the characters. I particularly enjoyed the phrase "tears in full bloom."
What a beautiful analogy to the Scripture at the end is this eloquent story. Outstanding.
05/26/08
SO tragic! Very well done! Creative and heartbreaking.
Creativity shining bright here. So many details, embellished this. I felt rewarded by reading this. Well done.
05/27/08
I like the "scene changes"--they make this move along quickly, almost cinematically.

It took me a while to sort out the characters and to work out who was narrating. On the second read, it all plunked into place.

I really liked the scripture verse at the end. It gave me an entirely new perspective on the story. Very sad, and yet it parallels the sacrifice made by Christ very well. Oh, and it is well written too. :)

Thank you for sharing! I enjoyed the read.
05/28/08
Oh wow. Wonderful, WONDERFUL characterization and descriptions. Very, VERY well-done.
05/28/08
This is incredibly sad. I wanted to read it for the name, but the story was so heartbreaking. I felt so bad for John/sack. Good job with the emotions.
05/28/08
This was breathtaking. Well done! I love the scripture at the end; perfect. And the scene changes kept the pace going. As I read from scene to scene, it was like watching a movie. A real tear jerker, with an outstanding message on many levels. Excellent piece. Blessings, Cheri
Oh my, this was just wonderful. I loved the relationship between the Sara and Sack and how he "Sack would look at her like he was soaking in every single word".
You brought tears to my eyes with the final sentence: "There, beneath Sack’s tattered muzzle, was Sara’s yellow hair ribbon." Great story, well done Aaron, very well done.

05/29/08
***Congratulations!*** Awesome writing! ^_^
05/29/08
Very good. Sad, but not maudlin. Well done.
Congratulations on placing 15th overall with this entry, Aaron!
Impressive writing! This story brought tears to my eyes. I knew your name was familiar from Faithwriters, so I had to come chech out some of your writing. Keep it up. It's excellent!