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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: The Family Pet (05/15/08)

TITLE: Duckbill Platypus?
By Garnet Miller
05/20/08


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The doorbell chimed. On the front porch stood a man in uniform dripping wet from head to toe.

“My name is Earl. I’m here about your hot water heater.” He produced a service request too smeared to read.

“I’m Mrs. Simpson. Come right in. Don’t mind the mess. We’ve been moving stuff in and out today. Too bad it rained, huh? The light blew in the basement so I’ll get you a flashlight.”

He glanced at all the muddy prints on the floor. The bigger ones resembled large boots. “My wife would kill me,” he murmured.

The funny-shaped prints caught his eye. They were grouped in sets of four. The front ones looked like paw prints but the dirt was too packed to be sure.

The back two were larger. He couldn’t make out toes, just four points. They reminded him of three “C’s” joined end to end. The back, where the heel should be was a "V" shape.

“They’ve got one of those things like on T.V. It’s a duck but not a duck. A duck and something else….”

Mrs. Simpson walked towards him. “Here’s the flashlight.” She noticed him staring at the floor. “I know it’s a sight but with kids and a husband, what can you do? If I clean it up now, they’ll just come back and muck it all up again.”

Without missing a beat, she opened a door under the stairs. “Make sure to watch your step.”

Earl peeked down the steps into the inky blackness. He grabbed the railing to catch himself as Mrs. Simpson’s voice interrupted him in mid-step.

“I almost forgot. If you hear anything, it’s only Muggsy.”

“Who’s Muggsy?”

“He is the easygoing member of our family. I wanted something smaller but I was outvoted. What can you do, huh?”

“You mean…..” He pointed towards the muddy tracks on the floor.

She nodded. “My husband and kids went to get a bigger cage for him.”

He started to say something else, but Mrs. Simpson had vanished into another part of the house. Pointing the light at the wooden steps, he began his descent.

At the bottom, Earl swept the immediate area. There were a couple of couches and a pool table to the right. Around the wall to the left sat a washer, dryer, and the hot water heater in the corner.

He took a deep breath and walked over to the hot water heater. A scraping noise made him jump as he leaned in for a closer examination of the heater. The thump of his heart sounded like thunder in his ears.

How big is one of those duck things? They seemed quite tame and manageable on the television program.

There was nothing on the floor near him, but the light glinted off of something on him.

“It must have been my tools I heard against the heater.”

A bit calmer now, he finally got to work. “I’ll get this fixed and get out of….”

The sound of something dragging across the floor stopped him cold. He let out a breath. There it went again. He scanned the area, but the light jumped too much to see anything.

“Get a hold of yourself, Earl.”

He shuffled over towards the pool table. There was no duck thing over there. On the other side of the heater, the basement continued around. The sound could have come from there.

“Are you okay down there?” Mrs. Simpson’s voice shattered the silence. When Earl peeled himself off the wall, he ascended the stairs two at a time.

“I…I took care of the problem.” Sweat poured down his face.

The front door opened. In walked a child dressed in a rain slicker, manhandling a large cat. Both were covered in mud.

The cat tried to wriggle free but only managed to liberate its front paws. They touched down and further soiled the floor. It was then that Earl noticed the young child wasn’t wearing galoshes, but swim fins.

“She just loves to wear them in the rain. I don’t know why.”

So much for the creepy duck thing. That’s the last time I watch the nature channel, he thought.

Before he could leave, two men came through the door carrying a long glass tank.

“Muggsy will be glad to see his new home,” Mrs. Simpson said.

Earl scratched his head. “You put your cat in a fish tank?”

“What? Oh, Muggsy’s not the cat. He’s our twenty-five foot python.”


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This article has been read 585 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Sher 05/22/08
Oh, clever - the ending DEFINITELY took me by surprise. Great descriptions of the repairman's venture into the basement. Enjoyed this.
Debbie Wistrom05/22/08
Whew that was close!
"Duck thing" how real that sounds to me.
What a name for a snake?!
The suspense was just right, I enjoyed this very much.
Lynda Lee Schab 05/23/08
Very creative entry and nice job with the element of surprise at the end. One thing I noticed was a tiny bit of head-hopping, particularly at the beginning. The story started out sounding like it was coming from the woman's perspective but quickly moved into the repair man's. You slipped back into her POV when she "noticed" something. Not a huge deal...still a great entry. Nice job. :-)
Peter Stone05/24/08
You certainly managed to throw me off the scent there, by the title and footprints I was expecting a platypus, not a cat and kid with strange footwear. (Only question, would a twenty-five foot python would fit in a fish tank?)
Laury Hubrich 05/24/08
Okay, this one wins for giving me the outright giggles:) Yea! Didn't think it was possible to make me laugh today!
Laury
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/25/08
This is very clever...and funny. Well done.
Gregory Kane05/26/08
Excellent. I love exactly this type of surprise ending, one seeded through with hints and teases, but still leaves you guessing right up to the climax.
Holly Westefeld05/27/08
ROFL! What a hoot! The mis-direction and suspense were great, as well as the humor.
Jan Ackerson 05/27/08
Great job building suspense! Very cute story.
Lynda Schultz 05/28/08
This is hilarious. What a wonderful imagination you have. Great writing.
Joshua Janoski05/29/08
Congratulations on taking 15th place in your level with this piece, Garnet!
Joshua Janoski05/29/08
And you placed 23rd overall. Awesome!