The Official Writing Challenge
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05/15/08
You showed in your story how love brings happiness--not money. I felt sorry for the "poor" parents.
05/16/08
This packed a punch. So many happy unhappy people in the world.

Bet 6 o'clock dinner was a doosey.

You put me there. Well done!

05/17/08
I would LOVE to see this expanded - so much I want to know. Your descriptions were excellent. Very well done.
05/17/08
I would LOVE to see this expanded - so much I want to know. Your descriptions were excellent. Very well done.
05/17/08
I just loved the sentence "Veronica’s smile didn’t reach her eyes." I could just see the clenched teeth. I felt like I was eavesdropping.
05/18/08

The mother-in-law Veronica gave me the creeps. You have done a great job here. The voice is excellent and flowed beautifully.
05/18/08
I really like the fact that most of this was a flashback, and that you returned to the present at the very end. Nice framework for the story.

My only red ink: it's a fairly familiar situation. I was waiting for a twist of some sort, to make it stand out from similar stories.

I love the alliteration in your title, and that your title matches with the "flashback" structure.
05/18/08
You made me "see" the cold, indifferent mother-in-law. This was very well-written.
05/18/08
This has a fairy-tale style... or a Grace Livingston Hill book.
Good descriptions of the estate and mother-in-law.
Great writing.
05/18/08
Great story with a great message. Well done my FW friend.
05/18/08
Very nice entry. It all was very real. I felt as if I were there. I especially liked the Woolworth special dress! Love it:)
Laury
05/18/08
Love this novel read. Your characterization is outstanding, which is what makes this piece so engaging to read.
Veronica wore a suit I later learned cost as much as my first car, and her hair was twisted into an elegant french twist. I wiped my sweaty palms on my cotton sundress, a Woolworth special.

Right there. Descriptive and funny at the same time. Soooo admire your talent.

05/18/08
Great writing. Red ink wise--you could have put more into this if you had left out the drive to the house and only focused on being there. Lots of good "showing."
05/18/08
What a great read! Your attention to detail is impressive! Kudos!
05/19/08
You did an excellent job with this story. I like Charlie's comment about his parents, “Yes, they’re poor, but not in the way you mean,” And then the way that you demonstrated exactly what he meant by that comment.
05/19/08
Awesome story. If two people really love each other, then it shouldn't matter what economical backgrounds they come from. Love is stronger than dollars, despite what the world would try to make us all believe. You really got that point across in your story. What a great read. :)
05/21/08
Wow, this is great. Good writing and getting the reader right into the atmosphere. How sad for Charlie's parents to have so MUCH, but truly have so little.
05/21/08
This was so well written...the first paragraph pulled me right in, and the characters were perfectly demonstrated.
05/21/08
“Yes, they’re poor, but not in the way you mean.” Talk about throwing a punch with one line. I just loved that. I also like the title.
05/21/08
Wonderful! The descriptions you used here were great - I almost felt like I was there with them!
05/21/08
I felt Rachel's nervousness just like if I was there. Your descriptions are perfect--love the 'Woolworth special'!
05/21/08
You zeroed in on this memory and really made it come alive, I liked the descriptions and how you made her real with feeling insecure, but still trusting. Good job. ^_^
05/21/08
We had family like that, the super-rich made the middle class seem poverty-striken, and it caused so many sad scenarios. You got me here, not only from good story-telling, but your sensitivity and insights coming out. I felt a kindred spirit with the woman and the writer... BRAVO.. well done.. standing O!
05/22/08
A most engaging read. Liked the honesty of the MC when she learnt her in-laws were rich, although I got the hint that they were spiritually poor. At first I hoped James was his father, but at least Charlie had one friend in the home.
05/23/08
Congratulations, Kristen, on placing 25th overall. Great job!