The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/15/08
Great last lines! I had to smile at this woman, so strong and bold. She befriended Joy so easily and simply took her in as one of the family. Your title made me chuckle-good job! ^_^
This was a fun read. So glad you, or the MC, moved beyond first impressions.
05/19/08
Great title, clever story.

My only suggestion would be to work a bit on punctuation of dialogue.

The story itself is excellent--great pacing.
The title drew me in! It's a great story I enjoyed the read!
Oh, this was fun, loved the humor and a great lesson. The last paragraph was perfect!
05/20/08
I love your title and the last line of your story. Great ending!

"His eyes met mine as he poured. Brown and bottomless like the coffee, I felt drowned in their depth." -- This was an excellent descriptive phrase!

Very nice job. Good balance between dialog and narrative.

Very nice work!

Blessings,
Cheri
I enjoyed your story. The characterization was especially good.
I enjoyed this. You developed your characters very well. The last line is priceless. Thumbs up!
I really liked Loretta. She's a real diamond in the rough. I enjoyed your characterization and your dialogue. Great story.
05/21/08
Great descriptions and feel to this entry, adding the familiar smell really connected me!
I realy liked the last line. That summed up the story nicely.

Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed reading it. :)
05/23/08
Very good use of the senses. I could smell Loretta, see her, hear her. It drew me in. Good job.