The Official Writing Challenge
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Aha! Fooled me. I was just sure this was her mother-in-law, not his. Great story on showing Christian attitudes, even when it's difficult.
Loved the prayer over the phone.

How hard to hold the tongue when she remarked about the pets....

05/19/08
Woo hoo, you got me with the twist! Great job!

I love the relationship between this husband and wife. I always wonder how someone with such faith-deficient background becomes so mature in their own faith. That's the definition of grace, I guess.
One of my favorite things about the story was the christian attitude, loved that. Also, excellent details putting your reader into the scene. Great ending too, I didn't see it coming!
05/21/08
Great hook and you delivered... enjoyed the read adn the marriage communication.... Good work
05/21/08
Oh, wow-I fell for that twist at the end hook, line, and sinker! Really enjoyed the characters and the descriptions in your story. Very nice reading!
05/21/08
Oh, wow-I fell for that twist at the end hook, line, and sinker! Really enjoyed the characters and the descriptions in your story. Very nice reading!
05/21/08
You really know how to tell a story. The details you chose to highlight were perfect, and the dialogue really went toward characterization. I truly felt like I was standing at the door witnessing the whole situation. Love this line:
"Suffice to say that if that is supposed to be memory foam, it has amnesia."
Clever. One more thing...LOVED that you took this slice of life and left the twist for the end, all the while giving us an incredible message to chew on. Excellent!

05/21/08
Oooh! This was good, I really liked the twist at the end with how it wasn't her MIL after all. Good job, especially with poor Peaches. I liked the phone call-but it was a tad abrupt the switch from the shopping center to home, otherwise, good job! ^_^
05/21/08
I could totally relate to this one. Except that she wasn't wealthy, she pretty much had the same disdain for the life we had chosen.

Great writing.
I did NOT see that ending coming! Great job. You showed the Christian attitude well.
05/21/08
The descriptions in this piece were awesome! You could feel the snootiness of "Grandma." This is one of my favorites: "The tall, perfectly quaffed and manicured woman airbrushed Bonnie's cheek with a kiss and pulled out a chair. A very startled ball of orange and white fluff shot past them."

You had a few missing quotation marks at the end of some of the dialog. The last sentence left me a bit confused... whose mom had just visited? Somehow, I missed it.

Regardless of my confusion, this was an excellently written piece. And I'm thankful that this lady is not my mother-in-law!

Blessings,
Cheri
I really appreciated the Christian values you placed in this story. I also loved this line:

"Suffice to say that if that is supposed to be memory foam, it has amnesia."

Very funny! Thank you for sharing this well written story. I enjoyed it.
05/23/08
Very good and believable...and a bit reminiscent of my own late mother-in-law.
Just one note of correction: "Quaffed" means "swallowed hurriedly or greedily." I believe you meant that her hair was "coiffed." But that was a very minor thing in an otherwise excellent piece. Well done.