The Official Writing Challenge
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This was such a heartbreaking story. It broke mine. What a terrible revelation. I wanted to know what had happened and where Brandon was.
05/16/08
So much emotion here. I had an inking she would find a surprise regarding her husband and children in his office, but did not expect the 'supporting' mother-in-law to know about it, and participate in the deception.
05/16/08
That twist CERTAINLY took me by surprise. Such a sad story - and I also hope this is part of a longer work (or if it isn't, that you make it so) :) Wonderfully written.
Perfectly written heart breaking story. I wasn't expection the surprise ending.
Very well written emotional story. The ending leapt out and thumped me. I wanted to know more!
05/18/08
Phooey...I need a sequel! What a story-you took me by surprise with that twist at the end. The characters are well-developed and the mystery edge you put right toward the end gave this story quite a bit of spice. What happens next?!
05/18/08
Ooooh, more! I want more!

Even if you never do anything more with this, I love it--the twist at the end, the open ending--all things that make for great reading.
05/18/08
facinating way of telling a story..by describing some photos. It took me a second read to figure out the boy and woman. At first, I was guessing that Nona was Jared's grandmother, and he was the little boy. But then I realized that Jared had been married before. Too many questions left over...
Good idea, needs to be a little clearer.
Bravo my friend! You left me hanging on every word and definitely wanting more. So, tell me.... does she meet the other woman and her child?????? Inquiring minds need to know.8/
05/18/08
Oh my. This is positively cruel! I'm with Naye, I want to read the rest of the story. Please finish it, okay? Please????
Laury
05/18/08
This is masterfully written. I followed it perfectly and had no unanswered questions. I don't think I want to know more of the story...couldn't possibly get any happier. You ended at the perfect spot in my opinion. Well done!
05/18/08
I could feel Claire's shock at the end. Well written and a good twist that caught me by surprise.
05/18/08
I hope this isn't based on a true story, but it could be, even though it's harder these days to hide money. Nice to see you trying something different, and you caught the emotion well.
05/18/08
You've given me a recipe for a sleepless night.**grin** Now I have to figure out what happens next! Great story, no kidding!!!
This is really good and heart breaking. I can identify with both of the women. I'm not sure whose side I would be on. Very emotional. Good job, I'm proud of you for trying something new.
05/19/08
lol, nice swerve! I didn't even realize it was a set-up! Nicely done! I enjoy your writing style.
05/19/08
Excellent story—the nature of the twist was unexpected (though this same story is part of "normal" life in my part of the world!). But the prior knowledge of the mother-in-law was the capstone. Well done.
Oh I hope she forgives Nona.
Tough, tough scene.

Enthralled and in awe of the skill here, I too want more.
05/19/08
To be continued? Or end it here?...this is the question.

I vote for more, but I see Laura's view as well.
Wow. I wasn't expecting that ending. Nice job surprising the reader with a twist at the end. I would have liked to know more about the other woman and Jared's previous life. Of course, 750 words doesn't allow for that kind of back story to be told. Awesome job!
This was so well written, but absolutely devastating. I cannot imagine. My heart hurt for this poor woman.
Aaack!!! Superb writing, but NOT a perfect ending!! Having been left widowed and longing for his child at age 25, I MUST have an explanation.....

05/21/08
Beautifully done. I didn't expect that twist but it really added an extra element to this story. Great writing.
05/21/08
Ohhh, wow. So sad, I almost wished it would've been a happy ending-but I suppose, I of all people should see the sad endings through-lol. It fit, perfectly, I'm glad it didn't turn out to be a 'typical' story. I could see two hearts breaking there, not just one. Very well done! ^_^
05/21/08
Oh, soooo... sad. Very well written. Made me feel like I'd been the one betrayed. Good job. Blessings, Cheri
Amazing, shocking, masterful.
07/12/08
Wow--to be leaning on your friend for support and comfort and then find out she's hiding a secret that was huge...definitely want to read more! I'd like to know more about the first wife and child and about Claire, especially her journey from this second heartbreak. Well done, but (because of the word limit) too short!