The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1236 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This is such a "real" slice of life with outstanding description. I absolutely love this story.
05/15/08
I love the progression of thoughts in this piece and how you reveal her feelings as she gains insight about the different relationships. Wonderful!
05/16/08
I liked the way you slowly revealed the day's happenings through the mother's reflections. Good to see God's word get through to her in the end.
05/16/08
This is just beautiful. Your images are crisp and so visual they're tactile. Your ending, also, is PERFECT. Beautiful.
05/17/08
Wonderful—a "quiet" story but with a powerful message.
This story was so easy to read as it unfolded line by line. I particularly loved your descriptions; especially "The darkened window above the sink reflects my shadowy face, and I stand still and stare into the past for a minute"
Beautiful piece of writing!!
Oh, I love this beautiful story and its message. Great opening paragraph and the rest flowed perfectly.
05/18/08
Dee, this one just left me in utter awe. Not only one of my favorites of yours, but one of my favorites here, ever.
05/18/08
Oh Dee! This is truly magnificent! Wow! You captured so many feelings that we all share. Wow! This is truly a great piece of writing.
Laury
Wow. You are definately a master at telling a story. I felt like I was right there watching the scenes unfold. Wonderfully written!
05/18/08
Ahhh... you made me cry!
I love how you compared your imagined thoughts of your husband's childhood to your own son.
I like to look at my husband sleeping too. **smile**
This is so tender and so sweet, and well, just so GOOD!
I loved reading this extremely well-written story.
05/18/08
Amazing. I am moved beyond the adequate words. I won't slip into bed beside my husband without remembering this...Mega BRAVO.
05/18/08
Beautifully done, and you clinched it all with your last sentence.
This is so lovely that I've run out of adjectives even before I start. An amazingly beautiful piece, Dee.
Kudos!
What a neat and fresh perspective on the topic! I'll think of this next time I'm a little miffed with my hubby!
05/19/08
Good job. A few too many adjectives and adverbs for my taste, but nothing that risked sinking the boat. I enjoyed these lines:

- "I stand still and stare into the past for a minute"

- "his snores are yet on the gentle side."

I liked the ending as well, with the two kisses. Very nice. Thanks for submitting it.
05/19/08
Ah, tenderly written. Such sweet images you protrayed for us to share with you.
Priceless!
This is exquisite- "Their soft texture is all that remains as a testament of his little boy face;"

05/19/08
Dee, this is absolutely beautiful. I love it, love it, love it. This brought tears to my eyes, and a thump in my throat. Excellent writing.
A beautifully written piece. I loved the voice, and I loved how she took the time to think about how her mother-in-law would have acted. That really showed the great care and concern that the MC had.

Thank you for sharing. It was a real pleasure to read. :)
05/21/08
Beautiful! I love the last lines, it fit this scene just right. I especially loved how you started out in a familiar enviroment, the kitchen. lol. Great job! ^_^
05/21/08
Touching, tender, authentic, relateable, .. WOW... You got me on this one. Not having sons, I have actually said the reverse to my husband..but this one hit me between the eyes. Sometimes I think .. what if she knew I had said such and such? OUCH... Got me ... in a good way... love writing that does that .. THIS WAS EXCELLENT
That was a different and tender way of approaching the subject. I like it.
05/23/08
Congratulations, Dee, on placing 11th in your level and 15th overall. Great job!