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June 10, 2005
Personally, I think that a "Thoughts Journal" is a ridiculous assignment for a university English course, even if it is Summer Session. I also resent your first suggested topic: fathers. I don't have a father. Thanks for bringing up a very painful topic. And it's worse because little Miss Happy sitting next to me has a great father. He helped her get the money to come to school; he gave her a great place to stay. She says that she gets to talk to him every day. Must be nice. My father left my mother and I when I was eight. Why? For some busty blonde who didn't like kids. I never saw him again.
June 15, 2005
I've been talking to little Miss Happy, since you made her my peer tutor. She says her name is Sarah, which means princess. She's all cute and sweet and nice. Someone like her probably grew up being told that she was "Daddy's Little Princess." I said that to her and she went all red, but then she laughed and said she was her father's princess. I wonder what that would be like. I'm "Daddy's Little Throwaway." Mom loved me, but she died two years ago. Now I'm nobody's.
June 17, 2005
Sarah had a lot of good things to say about your last topic (abuse). She's just chock full of statistics about how many kids are abused and how. She even knows how often alcohol is a factor and what happens when kids are removed from abusive homes. She's a little obsessed with religion, though. Says she's been a Christian for ten years. Since she's only 24, I find that hard to believe. And she's always trying to tell me about it. She found out that I'm an orphan and told me how I could be part of God's family. She made it sound like God was a real person, someone who loved me and actually cared about me. Sounds like a fairy tale - and my mother always said, if it sounds too good to be true, it is.
June 19, 2005
It's Father's Day, and I'm glad to tell you that I'm celebrating it this year. It turns out I do have a father.
Sarah and I met at lunch in the coffee shop on campus. I was really depressed because I hate Father's Day. She said she knew what I meant; Father's Day was hard on her too as a kid. I thought that was hilarious. A great dad like she's got and she didn't like Father's Day? Then she told me that her father was physically and verbally abusive. He would hit her and her sisters and punish them cruelly for little things. She ran away when she was twelve, and ended up in a Christian shelter two years later. That's when she found out that God loved her - her, individually, and had sent his Son to die for her sins. God actually cared about her as a person, and loved her. He promised to be her Father, and protect and help her like her biological father was supposed to do. That's why she laughed when that she said that thing about being "Daddy's little princess". She feels like she is a princess - a King's Daughter - but it certainly wasn't because of her father. It was because of her Father God.
As I listened to her, I wanted to be a King's Daughter too. I longed for the same sense of security and belonging that she feels. So she told me how. It was a simple prayer of acceptance, asking God to take charge of my life. And now I feel so wonderful.
Tomorrow's journal topic is "Joy". I can't wait to write that one.
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