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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Sibling(s) (05/01/08)

TITLE: The Perfect Brother
By Allison Egley
05/07/08


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"What are you doin', Daddy?" I asked.

"Looking for a job that Daddy is qualified for."

"Why?"

"Because Daddy needs a job so he can feed you."

"Why?"

"Because jobs are where mommies and daddies get money."

"Oh. Well, how do you know if you're qualified for the job?"

"I look at what it says here on the screen. See?" Daddy scooted over so I could read it. "It tells me what I have to do so I can be good at the job."

"Oh." That got me to thinking. I looked real hard at the computer screen and read all the words, even thought I didn't know what some of them meant. "So Daddy, any one can post something like that on the internet and find someone to do a job?"

"Well, yes."

"Hmmm." I ran off to my room. I had some work to do. I got out my pencil and began to write.

*******

Wanted: The Perfect Brother
By Billy, age 8 1/2


I started talking to myself as I wrote. "I know those fancy ones on the computer didn't have names on it, but my teacher Ms. Green says we should always write our names on our papers. And I put my age just 'cuz." I got back to writing. This was kind of fun.


I'm looking for the perfect brother. He should be 6... no, 7 years old, and have blond hair just like mine. He should be four feet tall. He should call me "Billy, the Best Big Brother in Baltimore."

My brother must
Eat all of my peas, carrots, and broccoli
Play with me whenever I want him to
Take the blame for all the bad stuff I do
Do all my homework and carry all my books
Give me all of his desserts and pudding cups
Play games with me and let me win
Let me call him "The worst little brother ever"
Give me all of his allowance money
Buy me really big presents


"Hmm..." That was a pretty good list. "I just learned about lists in school, you know." Then I decided I should put things I don't want him to do. Just in case.


My brother must not
Pick on me
Play with me when I don't want him to
Call me names
Hit, kick, shove, or bite me
Tell on me when I do something bad
Lock my in my room by holding onto the doorknob and not letting go.
Play with my toys
Make me cry
Make me do things I don't want to do


"My brother did that to me once, you know."


Call Billy the Best Big Brother in Baltimore at 555-2618.




"There. That looks great." I could always add more stuff later if I thought of it. I took my list back to Daddy.

"Daddy, will post this on the internet?"

I showed him my list. Daddy put his hand over his mouth, and started sniffling, like he had a cold or something.

"Uh, sure, Billy. I'll put it on my blog, and then anyone who wants to can read it."

"Oh, goody." I hopped off of Daddy's lap and ran over to the phone.

"What are you doing?" Daddy asked me.

I smiled. "Oh, just waiting for the phone to ring."


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This article has been read 740 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sara Harricharan 05/08/08
Heehee! So cute for little Billy! I like that he wrote down his lists of things he wanted...and didn't want! That made me laugh especially at the end when he went to sit by the telephone. Cute! ^_^
Joanne Sher 05/09/08
VERY cute - great job on Billy's voice especially. I REALLY wanna see the blog - and the responses it got. Fun!
Glynis Becker 05/12/08
Such an enjoyable piece. It made me smile!
Jan Ackerson 05/12/08
What a charming and fun approach to the topic!
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/13/08
Creative idea and good characterization here
Carol Sprock 05/13/08
I liked the way you showed Billy thinking through the age and changing his mind mid-stream. Very realistic. I was a bit confused about the statement about that's what my brother used to do. For some reason I was under the impression that he was an only child.
Peter Stone05/13/08
Very amusing list of what he wanted his brother to do or not to do, though in reality, a little brother would have given him the opposite! Got a bit confused, though, the story read as though he did not have a brother. I also felt the opening question (about needing a job to get money) was more suited to a pre-schooler. My three year old asked me the same question this morning. I think 8 year olds would already know that.
Debbie Wistrom05/14/08
Loved the optimism of your MC at the end!