The Official Writing Challenge
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Your MC was great and the names were names you'd find in a movie or a book ... very true to the tone,the setting and time of the story. The voice of Poot was adorable, but my favorite is Pa. His voice and character came across very strong. the little sister with her big brother as her model reminded me of my son and daughter!
05/09/08
Wonderful job of setting the scene - this story flowed beautifully, and was rich with character. Enjoyed it very much.
05/09/08
I love Poot--she needs a whole book. And Jeremiah was a very honorable young man--I like him, too. I'd love to read more about their special relationship. Oh, and I really like her treasures at the beginning--great detail.
I especially enjoyed the strong characterization and the description here.
05/12/08
This is a wonderful take on the topic, very engaging and clever. Your characterization is wonderful. This line made me laugh out loud:
Poot’s stomach slid sideways. She froze, a biscuit halfway to her mouth.

Loved everything about this story. The characters were great. I loved little Poot, and her desire to be like her big brother. Your descriptions are great too.
Wow, great voice. I love the rustic feel. The only thing I didn't like was the drowned puppy, but that's because I'm such a sucker for animals. It absolutely works in this piece, though. The ending is wonderful. Two thumbs way up.
05/12/08
I loved the nostalgia of this piece. The voice was perfect; Poot was perfectly portrayed. I loved the line, "Poot finished her biscuit, a hundred grasshoppers in her stomach." SO very well done...
Nice atmosphere created here. I like how the siblings show, rather than tell their affection for one another.
The depth of this is outstanding. Loved this whole family and especially the brother who has a tender heart for his sister.
Her nickname is sooooo perfect, it set the mood of this for me.
This is definitely a feel good story that succeeds.
05/12/08
This felt like a wholesome version of Tom Sawyer (which I've just read). You showed us so much with the characters actions they stood out from the screen in 3D.
05/12/08
Oh, this is an endearing character-like Scout from my favorite book, "To Kill a Mockingbird". I also loved Pa; he has a strong, but quiet manner. This really captures those innocent and sometimes troubling times of childhood. Love this story.
I loved both Poot and Jeremiah. They were a great example of two siblings that each look out and care for each other. A very fun story. Thank you for sharing. :)
05/14/08
Loved this, Jan. I love your brother/sister characters. Delightful:)
Laury
05/14/08
Wonderful view into days when American culture was closer to its Biblical roots. I was really impressed with the way the Father believed his son's answers, and did not get too angry. Poot was so cute, and I loved the ending. Only red ink is that the boy's confession was a bit rushed, but with 750 words, not much choice.
05/14/08
There is so much depth in your writing. I especially like the "a hundred grasshoppers in her stomach." The name, "Poot" is great! Love it!
05/14/08
You asked about the voice-this was my impression of it. I thought the story was about Poot. I wanted to know her more, better, but the story seemed to sort of graze up and around her and focus more on her brother. Even though she was observing, the ending kind of came out a little flat, but I suspected that she would mimic her older brother.

The idea was great and I liked the little details, like with the grasshopper and the nickname of "Poot" and "Miah" Those were great. Nice job. ^_^
This had all the flavor and mystery of that song by Bobby Gentry about Billy Jole McAllister up at Choctaw Ridge. Once I "caught" that theme, it stayed through-out the piece - right or wrong. Although I found very little tension to peak my interest, the characters and snap shots of their everyday lifes more than made up for it. They all seemed so real and I genuinly cared for them...even the little pup. I'm hoping Poot finds him just "almost" drowned on an embankment down stream. But, alas, that's the dreamer in me. : ) I envy your use of dialect, too!
05/14/08
Very nice job as usual. Great job developing Poots character and setting the scene. I think hatchet story would have probably been great alone if more fully developed, and perhaps a clearer reference to the relative value of the pup (or $5, especially with your description of the treasures) at the beginning would have increased the tension at the end.
Again, you have woven together a beautiful slice of life (think grasshopper :)) entry. Most excellent!
05/14/08
I loved this Jan. It made me cry. My dog Daisy, this week, we had to put down, and you had a Daisy in your story. Poor pup, but such good characterization, dialogue, and slice of life in the lesson Poot learned from watching her brother. This gave me goosebumps and tears...
I pray some day I will be able to pack as much story into the 750 word limit as you do. This was a great read.
05/15/08
Jan, congratulations on another great piece! You set the bar each week that I try to write up to. Thank you for the inspiration and for being so willing to share with us and encourage us!
Laury
05/15/08
Congratulations on your EC, Jan. Another very creative entry.
This was cute. You really wrote Pa well. He sounded like a strong man with a deep baritone voice.
Great work.