The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/08/08
Powerful message, from title to end. Well done.
Great! It would have been so easy to end this with a warm and fuzzy call to the brother, but you tied it all together.

Well writeen and engaging.

Chicken and Gutless-Wow!
05/09/08
Great title, really good voice, and and ending that really drives your point home.

A few little things: you have "it's" for "its" once or twice, and "I think to myself" is redundant; just "I think" is enough.

This one left a lump in my throat for the relationship that wasn't. Really well done.
Marilyn, this is great writing. Congratulations on your win. "What if..." is probably lurking in your brain but you need to call your brother if you haven't already done so. You'll be glad you did, trust me.
05/15/08
Congratulations on your Highly Commended. This line is really good: "Tomorrow," I say aloud to myself, "Yes, that's it, I'll try and call him again tomorrow, but not today."

So much wrapped up in that one sentence.

Nice job with the topic.
05/15/08
Author's Notes:
#19 in Top 40
#5 in Level 3