The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/09/08
I was touched by this story from the perspective of the older brother.

I smiled at this paragraph: "Now, I donít deny she was a cute little baby, but she wasnít a twin brother. I reckon it would have been quieter around the house if Dad and Momma would have just listened to me in the first place. She was one noisy little girl. I couldnít understand why all of a sudden I wasnít allowed to make a sound around the house, and yet that little baby girl screamed all day and all night."

However, the unexpected ending was so very sad. I loved the last line.

You did a good job with this topic!
05/09/08
Oh wow, you really yanked the rug out from under me with this one--the voice is light and humorous, and then pow! I'm not complaining--you did it VERY well. It's a very thin line--if you'd been just a hair more witty, the ending would have really jarred. Excellent.

Quick note: The first sentence should end with "to", not "too".

05/10/08
I loved this all the way through, and then -POW! What a sad event. I agree with Jan, you handled this very well.
05/11/08
Oh, my. I did NOT expect that ending. Wow. This was very well-told. Made me wanna go give my kids BIG hugs.
Great twist. Loved the voice of the big brohter and how he saw his Mom in the early days of his sister's birth.
05/12/08
Oh, I'm still reeling from that one--and I've been sitting and staring at the screen for a few minutes. Sooooo well done. The POV was wonderful--it gave a real good feel to the changes within the family. wow. So good!
Wow. You got tears flowing with this one. I didn't expect such a sad ending, and yet it made the story more powerful. We don't always get what we want, we usually get better. And we need to appreciate all that we have been given, because we never know when we might lose it.

Thank you for sharing.
Oh Esther, this was so good, I loved the conversational tone of the MC and the his heartfelt relating of his little sister's death. So very well done.
05/14/08
Incredible writing. Loved the voice of this. The ending took the air out of my chest for a moment. Well done.
05/14/08
Ahhh, what words at the end, to want Emily-Sue back. I liked the POV for this and especially the changing heart for how wonderful the girl was. This was precious-great job! ^_^
05/14/08
Wow...what a punch in the gut. Excellent writing and rhythm to this piece. The MC was very believable though I had a tough time pinpointing an age. Excellent impact. These are the kind of writing I love, I really enjoy being jarred and this one did so magnificently.
05/15/08
Oh...I didn't expect that sad ending...but it sure did the job of bringing home a powerful blow to the heart! I love the voice of the MC and the descriptions of his mother through his eyes. Really good characterization of the baby sister, too.