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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Sibling(s) (05/01/08)

TITLE: Reluctant Roommates
By Chely Roach
05/05/08


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“Ouch! Stop kicking me…” Rene sleepily whined at her little sister. Marcia loved to flop herself at her sister’s feet in the middle of the night, when all was quiet and still. Any long period of inactivity drove her bonkers. Her favorite release for the boredom was to pummel her sister—her reluctant roommate—while she slept. Marcia giggled and gave her sister another karate kick to the head. “Owwie…” Rene retaliated with a punch to Marcia’s pudgy stomach.

“Ugh! Don’t…that hurts!”

“You started it.”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Yuh-huh!”

Rene was growing weary of her roommate; the bed was spacious for one, but increasingly more cramped every night with the two of them sharing the space. After Marcia’s big toe poked Rene in the eye, she stood on her pillow and threw a temper tantrum—flailing her arms and stomping her feet into the pillow. Though she was strategically at a disadvantage—pinned against the southern wall—she had a bit of weight difference on her side.

“Now you’ve done it!” Rene power drove her knees into Marcia’s chest, making her gasp and squirm. They traded hand slaps and kung fu kicks for at least ten minutes before they sensed a disturbance in the force. Through the wall, they could still hear the rhythmic vibrations of Daddy’s snores, but Mommy was on the move. They both lay very still, waiting and wondering.

They heard the bathroom door open, and then that familiar noise echo down the corridor.

“Hee-hee…my pillow deflated again,” Rene laughed. Marcia sulked a bit; jealous because she didn’t have a pillow of her own.

As Mommy shuffled back to her bed, the girls were mesmerized by her movement. The gentle sways to and fro lulled them back into a subdued slumber. After only a catnap, the girls awoke to a startling sensation.

“What is that?” Marcia cried in her big sister’s ear.

“I…I…don’t know,” Rene stuttered back. It felt as though a blanket was pulling them down into the softness of the waterbed…tighter and tighter with every passing second. The girls couldn’t move their limbs, and were too petrified to even squirm.

“I’m scared, Sissy.”

“Me too…” Rene touched her forehead to Marcia’s, and they were comforted by each other’s presence. When the squeezing subsided, their rediscovered freedom caused them both to somersault and stretch.

On the other side of the wall, Mommy moaned. In the gentle illumination cast from the bathroom nightlight—a necessity for her frillion nocturnal visits—she swore she was watching a frightening scene from “Aliens”. Sharp jabs corresponded in the corners of her belly, where her bulging eyes saw the toes of a tiny-huge foot, pushing against a long, deep stretch mark below her navel. Simultaneously, the knuckles of a little fist left a visible impression of end trails crossing the width of her ginormous girth.

“Knock it off, you two…you’re killin’ me,” she whisper screamed at her freakishly large mound-o-babies. She could feel it coming. The tightness slowly exceeded simple discomfort; graduating to an unbearable crushing sensation. She clutched her giant pale mountain, donned with blue veined streams and topped with a protruded turkey popper at its pinnacle. She used the deep red grooves as handles, as she witnessed her flesh seize around its contents, resembling saran wrap over two distinct chicken fryers. The little ‘chickens’ froze in place, also eagerly awaiting the contraction to ease.

The three of them rested in disbelief…for three brief minutes. When the next one came, the waterbed the girls loved to frolic in quickly drained. The muffled voices began on the outside of the girls’ wall; the lovely murmurs and sways of Mommy enticed the pair into an exhausted siesta.

“Ouchy! Stop it!” Like always, Rene was awoken with pain. This was the worst yet. Every inch of her hurt, and she could barely breathe. And then—without notice—she was free…and shivering. The opposite of her familiar darkness terrified her.

What is that sound? Oh…I think that’s me! More! I’ll do that more! Yes…yes…WAAAAAAA! Hey, where’s Sissy? Quit doing that…gag. Stop it! You’re worse than Sissy! Where is she?

Their first twenty minutes were so confusing; and lonely. Pokes and prods, frigid scales and first diapers. In the cold blinding light, they were finally reunited in a warm bassinet.

Oh, Sissy, there you are! I missed you! I am so scared…

They touched their pink wrinkly foreheads together once again; the first of many gentle embraces on this side of the ‘wall’.

Me too, Sissy…me too…


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This article has been read 579 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Beth LaBuff 05/10/08
Ah yes!... Growing up I shared a room with my sister… but not in the way you describe. :) I love this, "They traded hand slaps and kung fu kicks for at least ten minutes before they sensed a disturbance in the force." Your entry is so creative… it took me just a minute to figure out what was happening. Wonderful work on this. I love it!
Lyn Churchyard05/12/08
Chely this was great! Nothing weak about this one girl! I laughed out loud at "before they sensed a disturbance in the force." You totally had me fooled until the description of Mommy's tummy.
I loved the voice of the twins - just perfect. Hmm I have a feeling you might just be writing from experience :)
Great job, very well done. I loved it.
Edmond Ng 05/12/08
I like the way you describe the details. Readers of this story must however be careful to read through the entire story and not missed the word 'waterbed', otherwise they may need a little while before discovering what is going on. The feeling you've tried to create at the end when you wrote 'Where is she?' came through very well. I can feel the tension before the story ends with a delightful sense of relieve. Good writing!
Mariane Holbrook05/12/08
This was so different and so good. I had to stop and get my bearings a time or two but that's because it was so well-written it kept me on my toe! Kudos!
Jan Ackerson 05/12/08
Extremely clever, Chely!
Laury Hubrich 05/12/08
Awesome Chely! You always write the most awesome pieces! Love it!
Laury
LauraLee Shaw05/12/08
OKay, Blonde here. Had to read it twice to "get it," but Wowzer! This is absolutely incredible! Funny, clever, creative and extremely well-written. Well done!
Debbie Wistrom05/12/08
Creative..sounded real..kept me guessing..cincher of an ending..over all spellbinding entry.
Tessy Fuller05/12/08
I love it when writers throw in a nice creative twist and this one done it. I had to read it again to catch the details I missed - like the deflating pillow - LOL. And then my fav part was the description of your belly - "giant pale mountain, donned with blue veined streams and topped with a protruded turkey popper at its pinnacle" You have a great sense of humor. I totally related, especially with the Kung Fu moves.
Willena Flewelling 05/12/08
Wonderful!! I love it. And you had me fooled till AFTER you started describing mummy's tummy.
Sharlyn Guthrie 05/12/08
Cute peek on the other side of the wall. Very creative entry.
Joshua Janoski05/13/08
Wow! I'll admit that I started to get confused towards the end, but then I stopped and re-read and saw how very clever this was! I was picturing two 6 year old girls playing in a water bed, but these girls were much younger and in a totally different kind of water bed. Awesome way of surprising the reader! So clever!
Sara Harricharan 05/14/08
heehee! So creative here, this is definitely a different POV on these sisters! I loved the title and especially the end. Great job! ^_^
Joanne Sher 05/14/08
VERY clever and fun - didn't catch on for a bit. Must have been a fun piece to write for sure, Chely. :)
Peter Stone05/16/08
The twins being comforted by the mother walking got me thinking. What an amusing perspective of twins in the womb. The 'aliens' connection reminded me of my little ones sticking their knees, elbows and feet against their petite mother's midriff.
BOB BLACKMAN05/16/08
You never cease to amaze me. What an imagination! Brilliantly done.


   
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