The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/01/08
I like your dry humor sprinkled throughout this piece. This line cracked me up: These guys must be trained to understand blubberese, because he never asked me to repeat myself. Too witty.
You did a nice job of showing the randomness of activity when confronted with the shock of sudden death.
A little mixing of present and past tense toward the beginning did not diminish my enjoyment of this charming story.
The teddy bear was a great touch!
The descriptions and MC's thoughts are so vivid it held my attention to the end. Unique take on the topic.
05/07/08
This is cute! I really liked the random descriptions and actions throughout the day and I do agree that the brother was a jerk! He could've at least listened-lol! I liked the new 'friend' too and the line with 'blubberese' that made me giggle, because it seemed to real!
The title fits as you use the phrase "now what?" several times through the story, I especially liked the ending with Larry showing up on the doorstep with the bouquet of flowers in his hands.
05/07/08
Delightful piece - and very real-to-life. Enjoyed this a lot!
05/07/08
Very good job--I don't expect to see humor in a piece about death, but you made it work.

Be careful about switching tenses back and forth from past to present. Either would work for this piece--but it should be consistant throughout.