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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Mother (as in maternal parent) (04/24/08)

TITLE: Eyes of Blue
By Jason Swiney
04/29/08


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Lost in a closet of make believe
Small hands tugging on a purple sleeve
Hem hangs below both scrawny knees
Sly smile beneath eyes of blue

Skips to the mirror and twirls around
Momma’s simple shirt makes a magic gown
On to the kitchen where the Queen is found
“Momma, do I look like you?”

Yes you do, Girl, yes you do.

Preschool is not for another hour
Up on the counter sits Momma’s flour
Pulls up a stool with her princess power
Spry smile beneath eyes of blue

Half-size hands help knead the dough
Covered in clouds from crown to toe
Six baby biscuits in a slanted row
“Momma, do I cook good too?”

Yes you do, Honey, yes you do.

Mermaid shirt and matching pink Converse
Waiting on Momma to find her purse
Just a little late but it could be worse
Coy smile beneath eyes of blue

Swinging her sandals and singing along
Momma’s radio is rockin’ righteous songs
Car-seat cutie has the words all wrong
“Momma, do I sing good too?”

Yes you do, Doodle, yes you do.

Pony-tailed prowler finds the Holy Grail
Pictures prove Momma knew of fairy tales
Snowy white dress beneath a flowing veil
Blissful eyes of blue

Pauses on a picture of a blue-grass band
Grinning Momma guided by Daddy’s hands
Needs to know now, an answer she demands
“Momma, don’t I dance good too?”

Yes you do, Princess, yes you do.

Momma breaks away from her Jesus book
As Cinderella snuggles in her secret nook
Brings an old whale tale and a loving look
Captured by eyes of blue

Jonah gets gobbled a gazillionth time
Doodlebug’s Bible relays it all in rhyme
Can’t read a lick but knows it line for line
“Momma, do I sound like you?”

Yes you do, Love, yes you do.

“Momma…when can I be baptized?”
A piggy-backer’s question comes by surprise
Momma makes the bedroom behind misty eyes
Such curious eyes of blue

Touches her heart, says when He’s in there
Just get a little older, so say your prayers
Snuggle with blankey and your panda bear
“But Momma, I love Jesus too.”

Yes you do, Baby, yes you do.

“Because of you, Momma, because of you.”


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This article has been read 854 times
Member Comments
Member Date
LauraLee Shaw05/01/08
Oh, just brilliant. I love the repeated assurance throughout with the changed terms of endearment. The scenarios you chose to highlight were heart movers for me. This is a fabulous, creative piece of rhyme.
Chely Roach05/06/08
I absolutely LOVED THIS. I also loved the changing nicknames, OH! and the last line! Too perfect! One of my favorite poems this week, in a week of MANY poems.
Jan Ackerson 05/06/08
So far--my favorite. Excellent structure, all the poetic elements are here, and it's overflowing with charm. LOVE it.
Beth LaBuff 05/06/08
Wonderfully written poetry! I enjoyed analyzing your structure and your message comes through perfectly.
Debbie Wistrom05/06/08
All your last lines are exquiste. Don't know anything about poetry, but I do know what I like and I LIKE this. You touched me deeply with this heartfelt entry.
Joshua Janoski05/07/08
I have read many great poems here on Faith Writers, and I must say that this poem is one of my absolute all time favorites! In fact, I am adding it to my favorites list. Superb job with this one!
Jan Ackerson 06/22/08
Jason, I'm going to feature this delightful poem in the Front Page Showcase for the week of August 4th. Look for it on the FW home page, and congratulations!
Samantha Arroyo08/05/08
This is such a beautiful poem. I love your structure as well as the rhythm you chose. You brought the story and the message to life! I really enjoyed it :]
Erin Brannan08/06/08
So touching, it made me tear up. The little girl's actions and words are so true to life and the ending just touched your heart. A joy to read.
Marsha Landers08/07/08
I loved the poem! The theme was so appropriate and the poem flowed. Thanks for sharing it!
Linda Watson Owen08/08/08
Oh, this is absolutely wonderful, Jason! Straight to the heart with masterful skill and touching tenderness! Congratulations on being showcased on the FW front page.
Anne Linington08/10/08
Just wonderful- especially Gazillionth! Congratulations, and wriitten by a man I'm assuming from the name, yet with exceptional insight to this particular child/ mother bond
Beth LaBuff 08/10/08
It's great to see this on the frontpage! Congrats!