The Official Writing Challenge
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05/01/08
Wow--this left me with goosebumps.

You did a good job of projecting what was coming with the ModifiTime. I was relatively certain she wanted to change something she had done which had caused her daughter's abnormalities.

But the story left me wondering...did she really want the "new & improved" Lulu? Hadn't she grown to love the daughter she originally gave birth to?

Very creative story for the topic.
This is so good. There are so many of "Justines" in life who wish we could have do overs. Yet even with do overs comes changes maybe we didn't want afterall. Very insightful and I loved the storyline and futuristic theme you used for this piece. Well done! Janice
05/02/08
Oh I so LOVED this one! The sci-fi touch was wonderful! I'm glad that she did make a difference in time and especially the stipulations with the ModiTime that she could only speak ten words, etc. That made this so real, and the characters. I'm so glad that Lulu now has something even better. So glad. Nice job, this a favorite of mine this week! ^_^
Off the charts creative, and wonderfully written. This left me wanting more. Well done.
With imagination and skill you've created a wonderful story.
05/05/08
Oh my...this was phenomenal. Beyond 'creative' with superb writing. Wow.
Very unique writing on topic. I was intrigued from beginning to the end.
05/05/08
I loved the opening description of Lulu as shown through the mother's eyes. It made her wanting to change her, to correct her guilt seem more selfish. I really liked the warnings with the Time Change and the limitations involved. Great story with much creativity.
05/05/08
I think you've excelled yourself this time (if that was possbile, and, pun not intended). At first I thought the mother was going to change time to avoid the pregnancy, so what a pleasant surprise to see her stopping herself from taking the liquid that damaged her daughter. Touching to see her reunited with her daughter, who is now whole.
05/05/08
Definitely "out of the box," in fact, I would say that you've "left the building." Wow! How clever and creative. This is great!

This is marvelous! You have certainly slam dunked with this one. Jan, there is nothing weird about this. It is a piece of science fiction at its best. Well done doesn't even begin to cover it.
Jan, this is a creative and intriguing piece, in which you impart just enough detail to keep the reader from being confused in this futuristic world.

The only area that seemed awkward to me was this:
"With only seconds to accomplish my Time Change, I take a hesitant step into my own living room and watch myself. Justine is on the couch, weeping. I remember
what she has just learned: She is pregnant.

She does not want to be pregnant.

She reaches for a bottle on the end table, a bottle half-full of a rich amber liquid."

Rereading carefully, it was clear that Justine was referring to herself in third person, but I wonder if it might have worked as well or better had you had her continue to speak in first person, but switched to past tense to indicate that it is her younger self speaking.

A place like Modifitime could make a bundle, but how many of us would go broke trying to patch up our lives?

Are you sure you're not sentimental? :-)
I love Sci-Fi and I really like the way you put this powerful message in the story. Great writing!
Not weird at all. Thought provoking is more like it. I really like this entry!
05/06/08
WOW! You've outdone yourself with your imagination, and I like how you didn't make it unreal--if every mother with that kind of shame could go back and change things, they would, regardless of how much they love the child "as is."
05/06/08
Very creative and intriguing and thought-provoking.

Makes me wonder if you would do this for Jericho if you could :)

Or - for that matter, if I would do it for Marc.

Excellent piece, Jan.
Wow. I wasn't expecting this to be sci-fi when I first started reading, but then it really grabbed my attention and piqued my interest.

I was a bit confused at who she was looking at in the apartment. At first I thought it was a friend, but then it all made sense to me after I read on a bit farther.

Very good lesson told here. I tis so sad when little ones have to be born with problems because of poor decisions made by the parents.

Thank you for sharing this wonderfully unique and thought provoking entry.
Well written. You do an excellent job in pulling your reader into your story. I was actually disappointed with the ending, but that is okay, we should not get what we expect when we read a story.
05/06/08
I enjoyed all the sci fi jargon - not enough to be baffling. I am not sure about the mother's actions to change the child. I would rather she nadn't changed Lulu.
05/06/08
Interesting! Don't we all wish we could go back in time to fix our (or someone else's) mistakes.
Well done!
05/06/08
This is an "if only …" and is a creative way to deliver an important message—spread it far and wide. Well done.
You are indeed a master, can't say anything that hasn't been said already. Fun read, felt a bit Heinlein to me, but it has been years since I've read his work.
05/07/08
Wow! So creative with that unusual sci-fi touch! How many times have I wanted to go back and change things, too!

Your topic is sobering, though, as there is a young girl in my family who has fetal alcohol syndrome. You described her very well as an infant and toddler. Unfortunately, her mother was not able to modify time.

Thank you for sharing this.
Wow and wow again. So creative it boggles the imagination. In a way it reminds me of the "If" poem by Rudyard Kipling.
I know there must be some ethical issues involved with the possiblity of having such a time machine...but for now, the writing and what it evokes is challenging enough.
05/07/08
WAy to brilliant for me to comment on. Over my head for sure. You seriously need to start that on-line video tutorial class. I'd be raising my hand the whole time...for questions, not for answers. ;)
05/07/08
Masterfully written, of course. :) Did she do the right thing? She had already accepted grace, then makes the decision. Was her guilt over what she HAD done, or what she was GOING to do? If it was for drinking the liquid in the past, then it seems to me she negated it by going back to change it. Great question!!
05/08/08
Wow Jan. Make me think so early in the morning! Thank you for mixing up your styles and experimenting so much. You are a great example for me to follow. Loved this Sci Fi piece!
Laury
05/08/08
This really was excellent and a well-deserved win. What a great concept for a do-over. Big congrats to you on this very creative entry!
05/08/08
Congratulations on your EC. This was one of my favorites this week. Love the way it made the reader really think.
05/08/08
I loved this piece. Being new to FaithWriters, I never expected to find any SF here. I'm greatly pleased and marking your name in hopes of finding more. Congratulations on placing.
Way to go, Teach! Showing and leading us students all the way. Congratulations, Jan, on this intriguing, paradoxical and profound entry. Loren
05/08/08
Incredibly well done! I too struggled with the ending but the point you wanted to make came through in a powerful way. It was very thought provoking. You have set the standard high - I'm not complaining about it though, that is a very good thing.
05/09/08
I knew this piece was a winner when I first read and commented on it! :) CONGRATULATIONS!
05/11/08
Well done, and congratulations! I was puzzled as I read this piece, not knowing anything about sci-fi. I have never read anything in that genre. I puzzled about the meaning all the way through, but when I read the comments at the end, then I understood it better. (I never read comments before I read a piece, as I don't want to be influenced by other people's opinions) In this case, though, had I not read the other's comments, I would have been baffled, not because your story wasn't well told--it was--but because I did not understand the TimeZone thing. (I am not of the modern generation.)....Thanks....Helen