The Official Writing Challenge
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06/08/05
Okay, this is the start of something good; it did not go where I expected, was a little word heavy, and the end was a bit contrived, but the story is worthy of notice.
06/08/05
Good descriptive writing. Ican see that it was difficlt for you to get this into 750 words, and so some of the flavor and flow was lost. I'd love to see the long version.
06/09/05
Beautiful descriptions!! I could picture it all -and wish I'd seen it too :)
06/09/05
I enjoyed this! I could see myself wanting to watch the sunrise on Easter morning. Your descriptions are beautiful. One suggestion pay close attention to the descriptions that move the piece where you want it to go and leave out some of the other such as the girls dresses. While it was fun to hear about the different styles and personalities, it didn't necessarily move the story forward if you know what I mean. You are a very visual writer and I think that is a gift. Some people have to work really hard at that whereas you will probably need to hold back some of the visual elements to keep the story flowing. Great job! keep it up!
Less is often more. I like the story, but think it could be more impactful with half the words. Also spelling should be a priority. I almost didn't finish reading it because of "wandered" for "wondered"